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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421879">Forever You &amp; Me (After All)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryvanilla/pseuds/cherryvanilla'>cherryvanilla</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Angels in America - Kushner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1970s, 1980s, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Affection, Casual Sex, Drag Balls, Drag Queens, Endearments, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Meetings, French, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, HIV/AIDS Crisis, M/M, New York City, Oral Sex, Public Blow Jobs, Romance, Smut, Switching, Unsafe Sex, movie quotes, safe sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:40:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,535</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29421879</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryvanilla/pseuds/cherryvanilla</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prior: Although I am slow to rise<br/>Belize: My jaw aches at the memory<br/>— <i>Angels in America Part One: Millennium Approaches</i></p><p>(Or, five friends-with-benefits snapshots throughout the years, an interlude, plus one time they spin forward.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Belize | Norman Arriaga/Prior Walter, Belize/Original Male Character, Louis Ironson/Prior Walter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Speak the language of love (like you know what it means)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This started as a 5 + 1 times fwb to lovers thing centered around blowjobs and grew into much more. Huge thanks to phonecallfromgod for beta/cheerleading/suggestions. </p><p>I've always loved these two characters but this particular fic was inspired by the National Theater/Broadway 2017/2018 production with Andrew Garfield and Nathan Stewart-Jarrett in the roles.</p><p>Main <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1K4sdBMvuleVMYrELhpRl1?si=ANA_tjGNSrWdHvUNG8bf1Q">mix</a> and cover art:<br/></p><p>Additional mixes and cover art for the fic in a tumblr post <a href="https://nextstopwonderland.tumblr.com/post/643792372758675456/fic-mixes">here</a>. Each except the last are referenced to some degree.</p><p>Title from the Cher/Peter Cetera song</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1. </p>
<p>
  <i>July 1978</i>
</p>
<p>Belize first sees him in the crush of bodies at Studio 54. Some shirtless twink in tight leather pants and glitter dusting his torso. His eyeliner is smudged and various shades of lipstick coat his mouth and cheeks from whichever queens he’s been macking on tonight. When he lifts his hands over his head to dance, Belize can make out a few of his nails done up in polish, like he couldn’t be bothered to paint them all. <i>Cute</i>, he thinks meanly.</p>
<p>Belize is, naturally, in full drag. His Donna Summer inspired wig is perfect, makeup immaculate, and he’s working a slinky little gold sequence number (that he found at Harriet’s for a steal) and sheer black stockings. Belize watches the twink’s skinny hips move to the beat. His head is thrown back in joyful abandon like he hasn’t a care in his little gay heart and his hair is an artful mess. He moves like he’s the hottest thing on two legs, despite there being boys hotter and more toned right next to him. Belize decides he doesn’t care if this guy isn’t who he normally gravitates toward. There’s something in the sway of his body that makes him want to learn more about it.</p>
<p>He doesn’t normally pull when he’s in drag but Belize gets in this guy’s line of vision, ensuring with just a shake of his hips and ass that — despite whomever might’ve already had a go — there’s no one else he’s going to want tonight.</p>
<p>He <i>is</i> deliciously hot, all hands (tugging at the curls of Belize’s wig, cupping the curve of his ass) and lips (on his clavicle, the base of his neck) as they grind up against each other to one sick beat into the next. Without the heels, their groins would be lining up. But despite Belize’s five-inch height advantage and the tuck, the friction still manages to be good. Belize’s spine curves when they finally kiss, a slick press of mouths and tongues, dirty from the start.</p>
<p>He kisses his way along the guy’s jaw and up to his ear. “Name’s Belize,” he half-yells, hoping to be heard over the music.</p>
<p>The guy leans in closer, tugging on Belize’s earlobe along with one of his gold hoops. “I’m Prior.”</p>
<p>“As opposed to after?” Belize quips, before lowering his mouth Prior’s (Jesus, what a WASP name) bare neck, smearing red lipstick across his pale skin.</p>
<p>“Ooh, clever, Miss Thing,” he drawls loudly, voice high. “Never heard <i>that</i> one before.”</p>
<p>Belize pinches one of his nipples, kissing his way up to Prior’s lips. “Enough talking, sugar,” he says, before dragging him in the direction of the toilets.</p>
<p>This is not the first time Belize has been on his knees in here. It is, however, the first time he’s had to work for it. Prior’s barely half-hard, and after at least five minutes Belize pulls off, popping his jaw.</p>
<p>Prior’s fingers tighten in his wig. “Sorry, sorry.”</p>
<p>Belize narrows his eyes up at him and wonders if he’d miscalculated, if the lipstick smears weren’t from queens after all. It seems cosmically improbable given this guy’s everything; but with the number of celebrities in this place right now that people think are straight, Belize supposes the other way around is possible too.</p>
<p>“Please don’t tell me you suddenly realized I don’t have a pussy?”</p>
<p>“What? No, god, no. Definite Friend of Dorothy. It just. Uh. Takes a bit sometimes. It isn’t you, promise.”</p>
<p>Belize shrugs. “You can pull on the wig,” is all he says before lowering his head again.</p>
<p>Prior groans and does just that. When Belize does get him there, it’s well worth the wait. Prior moans and sobs and his thighs shake beneath Belize’s palms.</p>
<p>Someone in the next stall even calls “Nice job, honey,” when Prior finally shouts out his orgasm.</p>
<p>They kiss wet and deep afterward, moaning softly into each other's mouths. Prior’s hand slides beneath Belize’s dress, gliding up his stocking-clad thigh and making him shiver, before cupping his crotch.</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Prior giggles when he doesn’t find what he wanted to. It’s rather cute.</p>
<p>“Untucking is a process and it will not be happening right now, sugar.” Belize is painfully hard, but this isn’t his first rodeo. He’ll live.</p>
<p>“That’s hardly fair.” Prior pouts, actually pouts.</p>
<p>Belize rolls his eyes before kissing him again. “Trust, it was not a hardship.” He briefly considers taking Prior back to his apartment, but his feet are killing him and he doesn’t have the energy for someone else in his space tonight. He'll already have to navigate around his roommates to begin with. “Next time, mon beau,” he promises.</p>
<p>When Prior responds in kind in French, Belize realizes he could potentially like this guy, beyond a hookup.</p>
<p>He pulls his red lipstick out of his bra and writes his number on a piece of toilet paper. He kisses the small square obscenely, pressing whatever portion of his lipstick that isn’t currently on Prior’s dick onto the paper.</p>
<p>Prior laughs when Belize presses it into his hand with, “Call me sometime, girlfriend.”</p>
<p>“I really think I will,” he responds. His smile is sweet and, despite their circumstances, gorgeously innocent.</p>
<p>Belize hopes he does.<br/>
_________________________</p>
<p>2. </p>
<p>
  <i>January 1979</i>
</p>
<p>They meet up after Belize’s late afternoon class at Maxwell Hall. It’s already dark out, the smell of snow fresh in the air. Prior is bouncing on the souls of his feet and bundling himself up in his scarf when Belize heads down the cobblestone steps of the building and rounds the corner.</p>
<p>“I am freezing my white fairy <i>ass</i> off, feed me.” He links his arm in Belize’s immediately and leads them in the direction of a nearby diner.</p>
<p>Belize laughs. “I’m a working girl getting my education, darling, you feed <i>me</i>.”</p>
<p>Prior had been surprised to find out Belize had recently finished his CNA training and was working part-time at a nursing home to fulfill his clinical scholarship while attending Columbia’s School for Nursing.</p>
<p>(“So you <i>are</i> more than just a pretty face!” Prior had quipped.</p>
<p>Belize snorted. “Drag don’t pay the bills, <i>hon</i>ey. Unless I start doing Ball, and not even then. Plus, I got tired of waiting tables.”</p>
<p>“Ah, yes, the nursing profession: not at all tiring. By god, how do you even find <i>time</i> for all this dress up?”</p>
<p>“If I relax, I’ll drop dead,” he replied in his best Hepburn.</p>
<p>Prior had swooned dramatically, throwing back his own imitation. “Put me in your pocket, Mike!”)</p>
<p>“<i>So</i> bossy,” Prior rasps, and they skip their way to the diner, arm in arm, while Prior sings the Laverne &amp; Shirley theme song.</p>
<p>It’s been six months since they met. Prior had called him five days after their Studio fling (just when Belize was thinking he wouldn’t) and had immediately made good on his blowjob reciprocation. It was also the first time saw Belize out of drag.</p>
<p>(“Miss Thing! You are <i>cute</i>!” Prior had exclaimed upon opening the door to his apartment. Belize sometimes preferred his drag look just because that’s when he’s called beautiful. But cute was… fine.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later on Prior’s couch, things had been different. Belize’s already cropped shirt was pushed even higher up his chest and his jeans were around his thighs while Prior’s hot mouth nuzzling his dick.</p>
<p>“Sexy, fuck, you are fucking so sexy,” Prior had gasped while holding Belize’s cock by the base. He’d dragged his face shamelessly against it before licking and kissing up and down his length.</p>
<p>It was way better than ‘cute’.</p>
<p>Belize had been happily surprised to discover just how good Prior was at giving head. He did things with his tongue that had Belize seeing stars, rubbed his lips obscenely over the head before sucking Belize halfway down like a pro, practically deep-throating him. The whole time he made these delicious sounds like there was nothing he loved more.</p>
<p>When Prior had started lapping at Belize’s balls -- palms spread wide on Belize’s thick thighs and nails scratching along his freshly waxed skin -- before moving even lower, Belize knew he was hooked.)</p>
<p>“How’s <i>the-a-tre</i> life?”</p>
<p>“<i>Si misérable!</i> No one listens to the lowly unpaid intern when it comes to design, even though I could out-queer all of them six ways to Sunday.”</p>
<p>“Ain’t that the truth!” Belize laughs and listens to Prior rant about his job at an Off-Off-Broadway theater company as they enter the diner.</p>
<p>Dinner is full of cattiness and humor. Prior does pay, even though Belize had been 70% joking.<br/>
It’s late when they finally exit the diner, having spent hours lingering over their fries and milkshakes, discussing everything and nothing at all. They decide to take a long stroll through the park. It isn’t a date, but it almost feels like one.</p>
<p>Since that first time they’ve hooked up a fair amount, but it also isn’t a constant thing. There’s no rhyme or reason to when they do and when they don’t. Belize had initially worried over their compatibility after that second blowjob.</p>
<p>(Panting, half undressed on Prior’s couch, Prior’s head still in his lap.</p>
<p>“I think you should fuck me,” Belize had slurred.</p>
<p>“Funny.” Prior sucked a kiss into the crease of his thigh. “I was thinking the same thing, except it was <i>you</i> penetrating <i>me</i>.”</p>
<p>And thus had begun the always tedious pitching vs. catching discussion. It was one of the reasons Belize didn’t tend to go for guys equally or more femme than himself. 90% of the time his blatant stereotyping, in this regard, panned out.</p>
<p>They admitted they’d done it both ways and although they both preferred bottoming, it wasn’t as though fucking each other would be a chore since they’d still be getting their equal share. Belize felt incredibly lucky this was the case.</p>
<p>That tedious conversation had ended with Belize riding Prior’s dick into his couch cushions, Prior’s palms spread wide on his ass, kneading his cheeks in firm circles. His mouth had been hot on the base of Belize’s neck, licking a slow line up it with just the tip of his tongue while Belize bounced till his heart and dick’s delight.</p>
<p>He learned that day that Prior’s slow-to-rise affliction was a godsend when it came to his stamina with this particular act. Belize lost track of how long he’d fucked himself on Prior’s cock, feeling him hot and hard inside him, dragging against that spot that made his mouth drop open and his dick jerk. By the time they both came, Belize’s thighs had been burning and his ass deliciously sore. </p>
<p>Never before had a top/bottom discussion of his ended with such satisfying results.</p>
<p>After such a stellar fuck, Belize felt it only proper to tell Prior his birth name.</p>
<p>“<i>Norman</i>,” Prior had gasped mirthfully, bangs still sweaty and sticking to his forehead. “And you criticize <i>my</i> name.”</p>
<p>Making Prior scream his drag name when he fucked him from behind in the shower an hour later — watching through the running water as Prior’s tight, pert ass pushed back against his dick like he couldn’t get enough, like he was born to take it — had been an almost equally satisfying conclusion.</p>
<p>Belize had already been hooked before, but that had been the moment he knew he needed to see this guy again.)</p>
<p>What he hadn’t expected was real, genuine friendship in addition to incredible sex. Over the past six months, Belize has been pleasantly surprised by just how well he gets along with this WASPy little queen from Long Island. Prior's family was New England old money with deep roots. They’d moved to Alabama for some oil thing when Prior was young; Prior left as soon as he could, “escaping my Bible Belt fate thanks to a small trust fund, and moving to grand old NYC," as Prior had put it. </p>
<p>Belize, on the other hand, was born and raised in Harlem and has had to work for everything in his life, including supporting his mama after his dad walked out.</p>
<p>They’d discussed their affinity for the Language of Love. Belize learned most of the French he knew while researching his family tree and discovering his dad’s side had Basque Country origins, where both French and Spanish were spoken. Since Belize already knew Spanish from his mom’s side, he’d decided to self-teach himself what he could through books at the New York Public Library. </p>
<p>Prior’s family had both British and French descendants, world’s away from Belize’s. He’d learned what he knew while visiting France for summer break, after his second year at FIT.</p>
<p>(“And through some of Bab’s songs, like any good queen. And <i>oh</i>, I love my ye-ye girls. And French New Wave!”</p>
<p>“Uh-huh. Eartha Kitt for me.”)</p>
<p>Belize <i>should</i> hate his privileged, bourgeois ass just on principle. He really doesn’t. Probably because Prior is one of the most down-to-earth, charismatic people he’s ever met.</p>
<p>Currently, Prior is recounting some fabulously exaggerated tale of when he’d visited San Francisco two years ago as they walk along the edge of the park. Their arms brush together and Belize suddenly has the overwhelming urge to capture Prior’s hand with his own.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with romance. Their friendship consists of talking about their love lives outside of their hookups: mainly, Prior has said he isn’t interested in a relationship right now and Belize is far too busy for one.</p>
<p>No, Belize’s urge is simply because he cares a lot about this person already and wants to show his affection. He wonders how they’d become the kind of friends who just randomly hold hands, and decides he won’t know unless he tests the waters.</p>
<p>This area of the park isn’t too populated, so he takes a breath, reaches out, and laces their fingers together. Prior, mid-sentence about the drag bar he’d visited in the Castro, pauses.</p>
<p>“Your hands are cold,” he says, looking down at them before smiling, squeezing, and continuing on with his story.</p>
<p>So. That’s that, then.</p>
<p>Belize’s lips curve up and he lets Prior’s voice wash over him. Somehow they end up pressed against the back of a tree — out of the sight of passersby — biting at each other’s lips, the cold night air swirling around them. Prior gets Belize’s pants open, jacking him off with long, quick strokes, thumping the head of his cock and making him shiver. When Belize tries to reach for him in turn, Prior shakes his head.</p>
<p>“No, want. Want your mouth on me. Please, ma chérie.”</p>
<p>Belize snorts, noticing the feminine article. He ignores the little thrill that runs through him at the endearment and focuses on the rest of that sentence.</p>
<p>“You are not exactly compatible with public sex, given that time is of the essence and we both know you require a bit more, <i>ahem</i>, encouragement.” Belize bites at his jaw, adding, “Ma belle,” because two can play at that game. If they’re moving the needle on friendship tonight, they might as well move it all the way.</p>
<p>Prior twists his wrist, making Belize gasp. “I’ll be ready for you. I’m nearly there, swear.” He presses his hips into Belize’s and, shit, he isn’t lying. Belize comes a moment later, mouth already watering for Prior’s cock.</p>
<p>He closes his pants while Prior licks his come off his hand and folds to his knees. Prior’s halfway hard, which is more than he usually is when Belize first gets his mouth on him.</p>
<p>Belize <i>should</i> be thankful that his jaw will catch a break tonight. However, despite how much he loves bitching about how Prior is going to give him TMJ one day, part of Belize already misses the feel of Prior’s mostly soft cock in his mouth. The way he can give it life just from his lips and tongue. It’s almost heady, the power of it, and Belize may be discovering a kink he never knew he had.</p>
<p>This is good too, though. Prior wanting him this much, a little desperate for it. They haven’t hooked up in a few weeks; Belize nearly forgot just how good it always is.</p>
<p>Prior’s hands twist in his waves, rubbing a little reverently over his scalp. He’s quieter than he normally is, given they <i>are</i> in public. Belize misses the sounds, though, and finds himself drinking in every little whimper and choked-off gasp.</p>
<p>“Ma beauté. Oui. Oui.” He comes in Belize’s mouth and he swallows it all, lips tingling.</p>
<p>They giggle like children as they button up, straightening their clothes.</p>
<p>“I love that statue,” Prior drawls lazily, hooking his arm in Belize’s and nodding toward the Bethesda Fountain.</p>
<p>“Mm, me too. Mon ange.”</p>
<p>Prior laughs. Their palms stay pressed together until they’re out of the park.</p>
<p>It’s the best night he’s had in a while.<br/>
—————————————<br/>
3. </p>
<p>
  <i>December 1979</i>
</p>
<p>Prior has gotten heavily into drag; Belize takes full credit for this.</p>
<p>(“Lies and slander!” Prior exclaimed whenever the topic came up. “There has been a Mae West dying to emerge from this gay soul since birth. You just helped her along.”)</p>
<p>Belize is in a proper house now, doing Ball. His drag roots had first been planted at 18 -- when he met his drag mom in a club where he’d been bussing tables, shortly after graduating high school -- and have grown a lot in the past six years. His drag mom took Belize under her wing, gave him his name, his face, showed him the ropes.</p>
<p>(Belize’s great-great-grandparents on his mother’s side were born in British Honduras. In high school, Belize had wanted to know about both sides of his family and began tracing the roots of his family tree. He’d learned those same grandparents had originally been born enslaved. 

Shortly after he met his drag mom, British Honduras was renamed Belize, but still wasn’t fully independent. His drag mom suggested it for his name.</p>
<p>“So you always remember that struggle for freedom. And never forget that just because this is America, it doesn’t mean we’re truly free.”</p>
<p>Belize had adopted the name and never looked back, using it even when he wasn’t on stage. Norman Arriaga -- a name completely tied to his now non-existent father -- faded into the background, leaving someone new and determined in his wake.)</p>
<p>Belize has never forgotten what his drag mom said. Sees it in the way some of his teachers look at him, sees it in just walking down the street at night. But every day he keeps going, keeps reaching for the things he wants despite this fucking country and its fallacy of freedom.</p>
<p>The past few years he’s made a name for himself doing shows at clubs, especially at Club 82; it often combines drag and camp with punk and glam rock.</p>
<p>(The fact that Belize loved punk — something an ex turned him on to — almost as much as he loved disco and Motown had amused Prior to no end.</p>
<p>“You are quite the enigma, ma chérie.”</p>
<p>“Nah, I’m just cool.”</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m cool! I absolutely would’ve been a mod if born British.”</p>
<p>Belize threw his head back in laughter. “Mmhmm, right. Because you definitely got that soul love, baby.”</p>
<p>He had still been laughing when Prior tackled him on the couch, smiling against Belize’s mouth as their lips met.)</p>
<p>Recently Belize has appeared at the newly opened The Pyramid Club, which is already becoming a beacon for drag queens.</p>
<p>Belize’s drag mom retired last year, but not before introducing him to one of her sisters. Before Belize knew it he had a House and a new mentor. He moved out of one Harlem apartment and into another, opting to live with some of his house sisters in the large multi-room loft.</p>
<p>Prior comes to the majority of Belize’s competitions, usually the only white girl there. He still lets Belize make him up from time to time, even though he’s adamant about perfecting his craft on his own.</p>
<p>(He’d been doing Prior’s makeup when he’d finally decided on his drag name.</p>
<p>“Ms. <i>Violet</i> Vernable.”</p>
<p>Belize nearly choked on his laughter. “As in ‘I want to lobotomize my niece because I can’t handle my dead son having been a homo’?”</p>
<p>“The very same! And oooh, speaking of: Montgomery Clift. The things I would’ve let him do to me.”</p>
<p>“A tasty dish! And I love it. Twisted and camp, an undeniable combination.”</p>
<p>“A triumphant return to my Southern Gothic roots!”</p>
<p>Belize snorted. “Baby, you were born in Long <i>Guyland</i> . Nothing about your roots are <i>gothic</i>.”)</p>
<p>Their drag lives rarely intersect. Prior’s white ass will never do Ball or be invited to a House. They’d both attended April in Paris this year, but Prior had just a spectator; Belize walked but the competition had been fierce and overwhelming.</p>
<p>Prior is currently doing a burlesque-inspired act a few times a month at G. G. Barnum's Room. His Gypsy Rose Lee impersonation is the best in NYC if Belize does say so himself (the silk red panties he strips down to are killer). Belize, meanwhile, is doing a routine to Cherry Bomb that he’s particularly proud of.</p>
<p>Prior’s next ambition is to re-enact Anna Karina’s Roller Girl, while Belize wants to get his Chita Rivera on. They do hope to book a crossover soon — perhaps at Pyramid, doing a Gentleman Prefer Blondes duet that they’ve been practicing in Prior’s living room. Belize is Jane Russell, naturally.</p>
<p>He’s always a little nervous when Prior is in attendance at Ball. Like he has a little extra to prove, to be the drag mentor Prior needs, even if he isn’t as serious about it as Belize is. Belize’s CNA training and the clinical scholarship have helped with tuition reimbursement, but a few steady drag gigs and Ball category wins haven’t hurt either. It’d actually been a terrible time to get into the nursing profession; programs were closing left and right and federal funding was at an all-time low. But he never did take the easy route in life.</p>
<p>Tonight, Belize won for Face and he’s still a little stunned. His house sisters break out the champagne immediately in their makeshift dressing room. Belize is busy laughing and accepting hugs and kisses that he almost doesn’t see Prior slip inside. He often comes to the balls in drag himself, getting read for filth by Belize’s sisters. Tonight he’s not, donning tight white bell-bottoms and a sinful black mesh top.</p>
<p>Belize doesn’t think much of it, just smiles wide and sweeps Prior into his arms, lifting him off the ground.</p>
<p>“Miss Thing!”</p>
<p>“Ma cherie bichette.”</p>
<p>His sisters wolf whistle as he spins Prior around.</p>
<p>“Oh <i>hush</i>,” Belize tells them over his shoulder. “You make it seem so torrid.”</p>
<p>“Make an honest woman of her already!” LaToya yells and Belize’s face feels hot.</p>
<p>Prior just grins and rises on his toes to close the distance the heels make, kissing Belize on each cheek. “Ma belle, ce magnifique."</p>
<p>“Merci, merci.”</p>
<p>Prior talks with his sisters while Belize untucks behind a screen and pulls on his cargo pants and oversized sweater with a V-cut neckline.</p>
<p>By the time he finishes and puts his clothes and wig away everyone else has already fucked back off to the ballroom or home. Prior is propped up on one of the vanities, leaning back against a mirror. Belize’s tall trophy is on the floor next to him and he has one hand on it, stroking the top absently. When he looks at Belize again, he’s no longer smiling, eyes dark.</p>
<p>Belize swallows hard. Ah, so that’s why he isn’t in drag.</p>
<p>“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me.”</p>
<p>“Would you like me to seduce you?” Prior asks in his best Anne Bancroft impersonation.</p>
<p>Belize giggles, feeling almost as nervous as stupid Dustin Hoffman for some reason.</p>
<p>“C’mere,” Prior says. His voice low as he holds out his free hand. Belize steps forward to stand in between his legs. He hasn’t removed any of his makeup yet, couldn’t bear to wipe away the face he just won for.</p>
<p>Prior traces a delicate finger down his cheekbone; his nail polish is lilac. “Beautiful,” Prior says, reverent. “Je t’adore.”</p>
<p>Belize smiles against the finger that’s now tracing lips. He grabs Prior’s hand, kisses his palm, the inside of his wrist.</p>
<p>“Ma bébé.”</p>
<p>Once they had shattered the ceiling for affection, they never really repaired it. They both still get laid plenty elsewhere, but falling into bed together has become something of a comfort for Belize. Familiar, yet never boring; always intense, satisfying, and most importantly never awkward.</p>
<p>(“He’s like my platonic soulmate,” he explained once to his house mother.</p>
<p>“Whom you fuck.”</p>
<p>Belize shook his head, laughing. “It’s hard to explain.”</p>
<p>“If you say so, sweetie.”)</p>
<p>He knows that not many <i>get</i> people them. Even for drag girlfriends they are a bit much, with their excessive French and non-stop affection.</p>
<p>Belize doesn’t really care what other people think. It works for them.</p>
<p>Prior’s back to touching his lips, now with both hands, the deep red painting the pads of his fingers. “Couldn’t stop thinking about these wrapped around my dick, watching you up there.”</p>
<p>Belize’s breath catches. For all Prior likes to talk, he isn’t one for dirty talk as a form of foreplay. He prefers to save it for when they’re already in the act. Belize goes from mildly aroused to needy in the blink of an eye.</p>
<p>“Yeah?” He sucks one of Prior’s fingers into his mouth, slowly, showing him what he’s going to do to his dick. He releases it with a loud pop, nerves evaporating. “You want me to get my lipstick all over your cock, baby?”</p>
<p>Prior closes his eyes, shuddering. He traces his spit-slick index finger down Belize’s throat. “Yeah. Want it. Then I want you to fuck me over this table.”</p>
<p>Belize groans and pulls him in for a biting kiss, swallowing Prior’s soft whimper.</p>
<p>He fumbles with Prior’s jeans, struggling with the zipper. They laugh into each other’s mouths.</p>
<p>“Eager,” Prior teases.</p>
<p>“My last lay was terrible; this is much needed.”</p>
<p>Prior hums, sucking kisses along Belize’s exposed collarbone. “The go-go dancer?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm.”</p>
<p>“That should not be allowed. ‘Stellar at fucking’ should be a pre-requisite.”</p>
<p>“Preach, girlfriend.” Belize tugs on his waistband. “Now lift up, baby.”</p>
<p>Prior does, and Belize peels his tight pants and briefs down just enough to work with. “Gotta get you in a pair of lace panties,” Belize murmurs before nuzzling his mostly soft cock.</p>
<p>Prior’s breath hitches. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>Belize kisses the head. “Yeah. Maybe white. And some thigh highs with suspender clips.” Prior moans softly as Belize trails kisses up and down each side of his dick over, his hand firm around the base, holding him in place. Prior is long and slender, enough of a challenge for Belize’s jaw when he’s fully hard. Like this, though, Belize can take all of him. He presses his mouth flush against Prior’s torso while rolling his balls in one hand.</p>
<p>“What would you do to me, in them?” Prior gasps.</p>
<p>Belize pulls off with an obscene sound. “Mm, sugar, what wouldn’t I. Lick you through them, tease you till you’re fully hard.”</p>
<p>“Shit, yes. Yeah, let’s do that.”</p>
<p>Belize smiles and kisses the tip of his now half-hard dick. He sinks back down and Prior moans, head thunking back against the mirror from the sound of it. Belize feels fingers on his cheeks and then pressing to the corner of his mouth as he stretches his lips wide and he sucks harder.</p>
<p>“Gorgeous. Deserved that win, so beautiful, mon amour.”</p>
<p>Belize shivers and pulls nearly all the way off, before sliding his mouth down again and working him harder, faster. Prior gasps his name, his real name, when he comes. It’s the first time he’s ever done that.</p>
<p>The irony of it happening after a ball is not lost on Belize. Nevertheless, it feels kind of right on his lips.</p>
<p>Afterward, Prior produces some lotion out of seemingly nowhere and fingers himself while Belize strips off his sweater and pushes down his pants. Their eyes meet in the mirror when he pushes into Prior from behind fucks, braced against the table, Belize’s hands braced the table along either side of him. The glass shakes beneath Prior’s grip and his back bows deliciously. He clenches around Belize, thrusting his hips back. </p>
<p>Prior's mouth falls open on soft, punched-out moans. Belize tugs Prior’s earlobe between his teeth, fucking into him harder as their eyes never look away. Belize comes so hard he can barely see straight.</p>
<p>After they’ve cleaned up and re-dressed, Prior gently removes Belize’s makeup for him while they trade chaste kisses. They absently discuss their intended New Year’s Eve plans at Studio 54 and how they both want to see <i>All That Jazz</i> soon.</p>
<p><i>Intense and familiar</i>, he thinks.<br/>
__________________________</p>
<p>4. </p>
<p>
  <i>December 1980</i>
</p>
<p>Despite Belize having used the words “falling into bed” about him and Prior they do not often do it in a bed. When out together they partake in their fair share of public sex in club bathrooms, or just some good ‘ole fashioned ‘frot until you come’ dancehall grinding. They’ve done it on Prior’s couch, and Prior’s floor, and Prior’s kitchen, and have only made it to his bedroom a handful of times.</p>
<p>Belize has always lived with roommates (and now is in a House) so hooking up at his place has never been ideal. Tonight, though, they’ve ended up in Belize’s small room, on Belize’s twin bed. They'd gone to the movies earlier, seeing <i>On Golden Pond</i> for the third time this month; Prior is endlessly amused that Henry Fonda’s character shares Belize’s birth name.</p>
<p>The theater is near Belize’s House so it made sense to go there afterward. Especially when Prior’s hand had gravitated beneath Belize’s favorite checkered coat and into the back pocket of his jeans, squeezing his ass as they walked close together.</p>
<p>Now they’re making out on Belize’s bed. He feels like he’s back in high school, sneaking boys into his mom’s apartment and trying to be quiet.</p>
<p>Prior keeps humming the <i>On Golden Pond</i> theme as they trade chaste, pecking kisses, and Belize joins him. His hands slide to Prior’s ass, shifting him more firmly on top. Prior rocks against him, wiggling one thigh between his own. He moans softly, sliding his tongue into Belize’s mouth. Belize gasps and kisses him back harder, pressing his hips up insistently.</p>
<p>Prior pulls back, his eyes dark, already looking undone. He rubs his palm over Belize’s head. “I really do like the blond, by the way.”</p>
<p>“Thanks, I hear gentlemen prefer it.”</p>
<p>“Gentlemen! Now whoever would want one of <i>those</i>.”</p>
<p>“Heaven forbid!”</p>
<p>Prior smiles lazily at Belize, one elbow on his chest while he rests his face on his palm. “You know, Norman, you really are the sweetest man in the world, but I’m the only one who knows it.”</p>
<p>Belize groans and pinches his ass. “You’re not going to ever stop quoting Hepburn at me now, are you?”</p>
<p>“Never, you old poop!”</p>
<p>Belize cackles. “Dear god. ‘The loons’ is right.”</p>
<p>They’re still laughing as they kiss again before Prior breaks away. His mouth moves down the column of Belize’s throat while his hand slides down his chest. He thumbs one nipple, making Belize gasp.</p>
<p>“We should sixty-nine,” Prior declares, in between sucking hard at the base of his neck.</p>
<p>Belize laughs again. “We can barely move on this bed, you’re insane.”</p>
<p>He feels Prior shrug. “So? I like a challenge. C’mon.” He presses another wet kiss into Belize’s skin, letting his teeth drag. Belize groans.</p>
<p>“I am far too easy for you.”</p>
<p>They sit up, Prior grinning happily as they strip off their clothes. “Do a good job and later I’ll model those red panties you wore for me last time.”</p>
<p>Belize tosses a sock at his face at the unnecessary tease. Bringing in that particular kink has led to some of the best sex of Belize’s life. Prior’s too, he’s pretty sure.</p>
<p>They tackle each other and kiss some more before getting into position. It’s as bad as Belize thought it would be. He’s pressed against the wall because he’s bigger. But that also means he’s got to hold onto Prior to make sure he doesn’t go tumbling off the mattress mid-blowjob. Belize really does not want to explain a sex-related injury to his house mother. Or his own mother who he has to see in a few days for Christmas.</p>
<p>Belize keeps one hand on the small of Prior’s back and the other on his ass. Prior grabs at Belize’s hip, pulling him closer. As usual, Belize’s dick has already shown up to the party while Prior’s is fashionably late. It doesn’t make sixty-nining a fair and balanced act, in Belize’s opinion.</p>
<p>His jaw begins to ache around the same time he’s nearly ready to shoot off. But Prior, the sadist, keeps pulling off, teasing the head of his dick and licking down his shaft to keep him on edge.</p>
<p>Belize groans and sucks Prior harder, feels his dick begin to fill more between his lips. What follows is the most torturously slow blowjob on both their ends. Belize is happy for the reprieve, though, his mouth needing a little rest. They draw it out, Prior’s hand now settled on his ass while Belize strokes up and down his back, holding firm.</p>
<p>Prior breaks away, panting wetly. He kisses Belize’s inner thigh. “I want your jizz on my face.”</p>
<p>“So eloquent,” Belize deadpans, even as his dick twitches against Prior’s cheek. The way Prior often shifts from colloquial to overly formal in bed never fails to both puzzle and amuse him.</p>
<p>“Always,” he replies happily. “Do you want to?”</p>
<p>“Yes, le con.”</p>
<p>Prior merely giggles at the insult. “Je t'aime.”</p>
<p>“Je t'aime. And you too.”</p>
<p>Despite Prior’s late arrival, they manage to come at almost the same time. Belize closes his eyes, feels Prior’s come coat his lips, his cheek. He laps at it, looks down to see Prior doing the same. They’re a mess as they turn around to face each other. And then Prior is licking at Belize’s face, tasting himself. Belize groans and does the same. They clean each other up, then kiss open-mouthed and filthy.</p>
<p>“So worth it,” Prior sighs, settling in the loose circle of Belize’s arms, his nails dragging in slow circles over Belize’s left nipple, making him shiver.</p>
<p>Belize kisses the top of his head, pushes his hair off his forehead. “Still going home for Christmas?”</p>
<p>“Mmhmm. Fly out tomorrow night. <i>Mother</i> has a new beau. I’m looking forward to terrorizing him while she inevitably drinks too much.”</p>
<p>“Wicked,” Belize laughs, ignoring the last part because he knows Prior would want him to. He absently plays with Prior's hair while Prior moves to his left nipple now. “We still going to The Saint for New Year’s?”</p>
<p>Finding something to replace Studio has been a tall order. Despite the strict door policy, he and Prior had never been turned away; Belize, because his drag was killer, and Prior because he was Prior. They’d been somewhat adrift since then. Neither of them was hardcore enough for Mineshaft, and it was members-only anyway. The Ninth Circle wasn’t so bad, but its makeshift disco floor left a lot to be desired. The Loft was pretty decent, but it got a little old after a while.</p>
<p>Belize did introduce Prior to a few punk clubs that he’d found years back through his ex. But while it had satisfied Belize’s punk love and entertained Prior it hardly let them get their disco on. Plus, most of the places were disappointingly straight.</p>
<p>This new club, though, was already the hottest craze. With its members-only policy — and most of the invites going out to the Fire Island queers — Belize had never considered it an option. But Prior was now doing interior design work for clubs and knows people who know people. He managed to score them each memberships and even paid Belize’s annual fee as an early Christmas present.</p>
<p>Prior stiffens against him at Belize’s question, his hand falling flat against Belize’s pec. His other hand plays with Belize’s ring and index fingers, tracing one fingerpad over his glittery gold glitter nails. “Um. That guy I told you I met, a few weeks ago? Louis? He invited me to some, I don’t know, <i>Manhattan</i> high-rise house party. It will most likely be downright tedious. I was actually going to ask you tonight to go with me. I need a savior.”</p>
<p>Belize frowns. He remembered a Louis. They'd met after a screening of <i>Reds</i>, Prior overhearing him protesting the film’s historical inaccuracies to a friend. He'd been unable to help from butting in and explaining that was the <i>point</i>, that Reed <i>wasn’t</i> known for accuracy. Somehow that argument had led to talking for hours over coffee and exchanging mutual handjobs in the alleyway behind the cafe. Belize hadn’t known they’d also exchanged numbers.</p>
<p>(Around this same time Belize had met someone too. It was at the holiday party for Columbia. The nursing school was affiliated with Presbyterian Hospital and the annual party included established doctors and nurses from there, along with current students. The guy was a physician named Miguel, who could actually afford a car despite not truly needing one.</p>
<p>That night he took Belize home and fucked him against the bay window of his 12th floor Manhattan Valley apartment building, which overlooked the park. Belize wasn’t one for material needs, but he definitely saw the appeal in that particular circumstance.</p>
<p>He’d told Prior about it, who’d teased him about getting a sugar daddy. Miguel had given him his number, but Belize hadn’t called him yet.)</p>
<p>This party with Louis, though, does not sound like his cup of tea. He cards his fingers slowly through Prior’s hair, making him moan softly. “Why say yes, then? Ma cherie bichette, this man sounds <i>exhausting</i> from what you’ve said.”</p>
<p>“I like a challenge,” Prior shrugs, echoing his earlier words. He props himself up on one hand, kisses Belize delicately on the mouth, eliciting a shiver. “He’s not so bad, we’ve. We’re. I don’t know.” Prior waves his wrist in the air. “We might be dating.”</p>
<p>Belize’s chest goes tight. “Dating,” he repeats flatly.</p>
<p>“I’m nearly twenty-six. My last boyfriend was in college. Figured it might be time.” He smiles a little crookedly.</p>
<p>Belize hums noncommittally and waves between them. “He know about this?”</p>
<p>Prior frowns, biting his lip, and Belize shifts, uncomfortable. It has never felt weird and now it does. He made it fucking weird.</p>
<p>“I mean, we aren’t official or anything and we haven’t talked about — any of that. Yet.”</p>
<p>Belize nods. The first year of the new decade is ending in a week, and it feels like everything keeps on changing. Belize knows there’s no moving backward in time, but he also doesn’t like feeling out of control.</p>
<p>Prior leans down, presses their foreheads together. “You good? You’ll come?”</p>
<p>Belize sighs. “I really was looking forward to The Saint, mon ange. It is supposed to be très magnifique.”</p>
<p>“We have memberships now. There will be other nights. Just us; Louis doesn’t like the club scene. He’s so weird.” Except Prior doesn’t say the last part with dripping condescension like Belize has come to know and love. He says it with fondness.</p>
<p><i>Yeah</i>, he thinks, <i>everything is changing</i>.</p>
<p>The 80s were not particularly impressive so far. </p>
<p>The next day, Belize calls Miguel.</p>
<p>____________________</p>
<p>
  <i>Interlude: January 1981-February 1986</i>
</p>
<p>So then there’s Louis.</p>
<p>(New Year’s Eve had been strange. He and Prior spent the majority of the party rolling their eyes at each other, but Prior had still seemed content to be there. It felt a world away from the year before at Studio 54, doing poppers and licking champagne off each other on the dance floor. This year, Belize still received a kiss as the ball dropped, but it was firm and closed-mouthed, and after Prior had kissed Louis. </p>
<p>Louis had been cordial to Belize, but is pretty clear he’d been hoping for a holiday date with Prior without a third wheel. Belize also knew when he was being sized up, and more importantly when he was being judged. He told Prior this later.</p>
<p>“He just isn’t into the club scene or drag, don’t make it seem so fatal.”</p>
<p>“Well that in and of itself <i>is</i> a drag, girlfriend, seeing as you are.”</p>
<p>Prior frowned, chewing his lip. “It just isn’t something I’ll be sharing with him much.”)</p>
<p>Belize has an uneasy feeling in his stomach about the whole thing. He pictures Prior pulling away from the things he loves, from him, all for this neurotic Jewish guy from New Jersey, of all places.</p>
<p>But it’s not his life, and Prior wasn’t Belize’s either. Not in that way. </p>
<p>(“I’ve accepted Louis’ request to be my boyfriend,” Prior had announced a week after New Year’s, in the most Prior way possible.</p>
<p>Belize rolled his eyes. “You could have told me this over the phone, you know. Instead of saying you had a <i>gay emergency</i>.”</p>
<p>Prior stepped closer. “I accepted with the caveat that our relationship officially begins tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Belize laughed even as his mouth went dry and he closed the distance between them. “You truly are shameless, sugar.”</p>
<p>They collided together, all lips and tongue, hands pulling restlessly at one another’s clothes.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Prior gasped into his mouth, grinding his hips into Belize’s. He was already hard and Belize wondered if he’d jacked himself off in anticipation while waiting for him to arrive. They fell shirtless onto Prior’s couch, bodies pressed tight together.</p>
<p>“Fuck me,” Belize gasped, arching his neck against the arm of the couch.</p>
<p>Prior did, over the back of it, fucking into him hard and without much finesse. His lips pressed kisses up and down Belize’s spine and along the back of his neck.</p>
<p>“Wait,” Prior had gasped, just as Belize was on edge. “Want you to do me now,” he whispered in Belize’s ear, cock sliding along his crack.</p>
<p>“We checking every box tonight, mon ange?”</p>
<p>Prior shrugged. “Last dance and all that.”</p>
<p>Belize’s stomach had twisted at the finality of it all. He had seen Miguel the night before, but things were still pretty lowkey there.</p>
<p>He’d taken Prior to bed, fucked him on his back with his legs in the air, lithe body practically bent in two. Prior’s fingernails scratched up and down his back, loud whimpers and a steady stream of French that Belize could barely parse falling from his lips.</p>
<p>When they both came it was with Prior’s legs over his shoulders and the bedframe rattling against the wall. Belize had collapsed on top of him, their mouths still moving together in heated kisses and barely caught breaths. Belize slid out of him, his wet cock teasing around Prior’s hole and making a mess on the bedspread.</p>
<p>“How long before round two?” Prior had gasped. His chest was still heaving, body flushed red, his hair matted across his forehead. “I want to fellate you in the shower.”</p>
<p>Belize laughed weakly. “You’ve got such a way with words, ma chérie.” He kissed Prior’s shoulder. “Give me ten minutes.”)</p>
<p>So then there’s Prior&amp;Louis.</p>
<p>They move in together after only six months, Louis moving out of his parents' house in Jersey and into Prior’s Lower East Side apartment. Belize side-eyes the decision, worried that Prior was going from 0 to 60. But Prior is an adult so Belize ultimately holds his tongue and even brings a housewarming gift. It’s odd, seeing Prior so domesticated, running around and pouring wine for their mutual friends; tucked into Louis’ side and beaming. The whole thing is very Holly Golightly and Prior is in his element.</p>
<p>It’s like Belize is seeing Prior for the first time, in a lot of ways. The weirdest part is the monogamy aspect. Which is to say, according to Prior, him and Louis mostly are. But every so often they’ll pick up a third together (usually in the park, due to Mr. I Don’t Like Clubs) and sometimes they’ll hook up solo. The rules for this, as per Prior, are that they never stay the night, they never repeat, and they tell each other details after.</p>
<p>Belize privately wonders why, if that was the case, himself and Prior haven’t hooked up since their epic marathon farewell session shortly after New Year’s. And don’t look likely to anytime soon. Perhaps it's because it wouldn’t technically have been “only a one-time thing”. Or perhaps it’s because details would need to be shared after. Belize doesn’t necessarily want Louis knowing something that intimate about him, so perhaps it’s for the best. Louis apparently does it more than Prior, anyway.  </p>
<p>“What’s the point of all that hassle when I can just eat at home for free?” is how Prior had put it.</p>
<p>And it isn’t as though Belize is lovesick and pining; he loves Prior, but it isn’t like that. It never really has been. Still, when the incredible sex that you’ve been having with your best friend — at varying levels of frequency for two and a half years —stops, it was only natural to mourn the loss. Belize is curious if Prior misses it at times, too.</p>
<p>Apparently, sex with Louis is “really good.”</p>
<p>(Belize had bit his tongue when Prior said that, because “really good” hardly sounded mind-blowing. He flashed back to leaving Prior’s apartment that last afternoon, the two of them kissing goodbye at the front door. Prior had been fucked out and boneless in his silk robe, and Belize was barely able to stand on his still shaky legs.</p>
<p>“Enjoy couple life,” Belize had said when they parted, their foreheads still touching.</p>
<p>“Mmm, the old ball and chain.” He traced his fingers down Belize’s mouth. “Maybe you should join me. Give that hot Spanish doctor a try.”</p>
<p>Belize had laughed. “He’s Portuguese, darling. And maybe so.”</p>
<p>They kissed again. “Ciao, baby.”</p>
<p>He hadn’t been able to read the look in Prior’s eyes when he said goodbye back.)</p>
<p>They still kiss; European ones on the cheek, and those firm yet shallow ones on the mouth. Although since New Year’s the latter have rarely happened in the presence of Louis, Prior turning his face away.</p>
<p>(“He doesn’t really understand our thing,” Prior had confessed one night, after Ball. “He still thinks you’re my ex-boyfriend, even though I’ve told him it wasn’t like that.”</p>
<p>Belize vaguely wondered what, exactly, Prior had said it <i>was</i> like.)</p>
<p>Belize doesn’t lose sleep over what Louis does and doesn’t understand. And it isn’t Belize’s problem if Louis’ eyes narrow a little when they trade endearments in French like it’s not just a foreign language he can’t penetrate, but also a secret one.</p>
<p>That being said, it’s clear Louis cares about Prior a lot. Belize has witnessed Louis be rather sweet and devoted to him — in between rambling tangents that personally make Belize want to walk into traffic — and that’s what truly matters. </p>
<p>(“I love his tangents,” Prior admitted one night, when Louis was visiting his parents. Louis wasn’t out to most of his family, so Prior never joined him. Belize and Prior were having a girls' night in, painting each other’s nails and watching <i>Valley of the Dolls</i> for the millionth time.</p>
<p>“I love how dramatic and anxiety-ridden he gets, and I love fighting with him on his quote-unquote beliefs. It’s honestly led to some of our best sex.”</p>
<p>Belize had hummed, looking at Prior’s long fingers. “Whatever it takes, ma belle.”</p>
<p>“Cheeky,” Prior laughed. “And — I love how he brings me coffee in the morning, just the way I like it, and picks up Chinese food without asking and wants to slow dance with me to old records in our living room.”</p>
<p>Belize had looked at Prior then, realized with sudden clarity: this was Prior in love. It was a revelation in that he both looked different and yet not. Belize was happy for him.</p>
<p>It didn’t stop him from occasionally worrying, however, if all that energy, all of Louis’ so-called causes were just a mask for ambivalence. He couldn’t help but feel protective. </p>
<p>And on a purely selfish note he also wished his  best friend’s boyfriend weren’t so insufferable at times.)</p>
<p>During all of this, there’s Miguel. They go slower with the boyfriend label than Prior and Louis. Belize really is crazy busy, but the good thing is so is Miguel. Their relationship is low pressure and within a year they’re exclusive. And then Norman ‘Belize’ Arriaga is also in love, or something close to it. In his twenty-seven years of life, he’s yet to be sure what it truly means or feels like, outside his love for his mom and Prior. Those things feel clear, uncomplicated.</p>
<p>Belize starts spending most of his time in Manhattan Valley. Prior likes Miguel well enough, the few times they’ve met up with him. The four of them never get together, though. He doesn’t think Louis even knows he has a boyfriend.</p>
<p>(Sometimes Belize and Prior would trade sex stories about their respective partners. Nothing truly titillating, more matter of fact like, “So the other night when I was blowing him he kept running his fingers over my mouth and calling me his gorgeous little slut. Didn’t really do that much for me. Think they’ll revoke my license as a queen?”</p>
<p>Prior had laughed. “Louis likes to fuck after we go for a run in the park. Something about the act gets him so horny. He’s got this obsession with natural scents and their tangibility. Je n'aime pas! But I tell him: <i>look, darling</i>, if you want to suck my sweaty armpit, have at it, whatever makes you happy. There’s absolutely no need for a 500-word essay pontificating on the essence of life.”</p>
<p>Belize groaned. “Now I’m going to think about that the next time I see him, you bitch.”</p>
<p>“Exactly,” Prior smiled, sweetly.)</p>
<p>Belize graduates, passes his NCLEX, gets a full-time job as a Registered Nurse at New York Hospital, joins the National Black Nurses Association, quits drag, and moves in with Miguel. Not necessarily in that order. Belize the country gains its full independence and it's possible he and his momma cry a little.  </p>
<p>Prior quits drag around the same time, floats in and out of club designer contract positions and catering gigs, gets a cat, and keeps up with all the latest high fashion trends. Belize simply trades bell-bottoms and platforms for denim overalls and Oxfords.</p>
<p>At the same time, there’s KS, and then it’s being called AIDS and the world they once knew implodes. Prior and Louis stop random hookups about a year into their relationship and start exclusively using condoms. Life goes on, but the party officially feels over.</p>
<p>Before he knows it, it's 1985. Him and Prior turn thirty; they’re both attending funerals — sometimes once a week — of Belize’s sisters, acquaintances, their close friends. Belize has spent time at his friends' bed sides, both in and out of work. He's watched some of them develop dementia, not know who or where they are. It's worse than death, in his opinion. </p>
<p>And then it’s October and Belize finds out that one of the people he cherishes most in the world has the same thing that’s killing them all.</p>
<p>(Later, a doctor will tell them that the virus most likely laid dormant in Prior, and countless others, for a few years ahead of his 1985 diagnosis.)</p>
<p>Prior bestows the information during their meetup in the park while Belize is on lunch, because why not.</p>
<p>“Sorry to be so unoriginal as to follow in our fellow drag sister’s footsteps,” Prior quips after dropping the bomb.</p>
<p>Anger flares inside him. “Don’t you dare apologize.”</p>
<p>
  <i>Fuck, fuck. He’s going to die on me, fuck.</i>
</p>
<p>They’re silent. They’re rarely ever silent together.</p>
<p>“How did Louis take it?” Belize asks, fighting back tears.</p>
<p>“He doesn’t know. You’re the first person I’ve told. Feel special, Miss Thing.”</p>
<p>Belize’s head whips up. “<i>Why</i> haven’t you told him yet?”</p>
<p>Prior sighs, his demeanor listless like the spark that once shown so bright inside has already gone out. “I don’t know how. I shouldn’t be so afraid to, right? But I — I don’t know what he’ll do. If his constitutions are strong enough.”</p>
<p>“You have to tell him.” Belize takes his hand, squeezing tight.</p>
<p>Prior squeezes back, sniffling. “You know, he’ll use a million words to say something that could’ve been achieved in three, yet <i>those</i> three little words? He never really says. Never really been his thing.”</p>
<p>Belize can hardly claim surprise. Louis talks in circles; theories, morals, and pontifications but rarely getting to the heart of the matter. Belize knows why Prior is worried, but he also knows that Prior’s been the one cause that Louis has followed through on.</p>
<p>So he responds as truthfully as he knows how when he says, “Louis can be wishy-washy on a lot of things, sugar, but you haven’t really been one of them.”</p>
<p>“Yes. I know he cares.” Prior exhales. “Sometimes a girl craves a little specificity.”</p>
<p>“Je t'aime.”</p>
<p>“Je t'aime.” Prior laughed, humorlessly.</p>
<p>Belize looks down at their entwined fingers, pink nail polish against red. “You can’t put this off forever, girlfriend.”</p>
<p>“I know. I’ll tell him. I just need some more time.” Prior pauses. “I love that statue.” He nods toward the angel, transferring Belize back to what feels like a lifetime ago.</p>
<p>“I know you do, baby.”</p>
<p>All things told, Belize thinks he handles the news pretty damn well; even waits until he’s back at the hospital to sob his eyes out in the bathroom.</p>
<p>Because the world is a fucked up place, Prior’s fears regarding Louis are fully realized. Belize puts on a brave face when he visits Prior in the hospital. It's all <i>Streetcar</i> quotes, French endearments, and playful teasing while he spreads the herbal medicine he’d brought over his back. The worst part is, he can see Prior playing right along, until the mask drops and he simply can't any longer. </p>
<p>He can't stop touching Prior, feels if he does he might evaporate into thin air. Belize does the <i>ET</i> thing before he leaves — Prior loves that damn movie, always makes Belize watch it with him — and it’s almost normal.</p>
<p>Except <i>ouch, indeed</i>, like Prior had said. Because now there’s talk of voices and Prior is in a hospital bed. Because now Belize is complaining about all their French girl talk — the only way he knows how to put some distance between his feelings — and Prior is telling Belize he sounds like Louis, of all people. Because none of this <i>is</i> normal. None of it might ever be normal again.</p>
<p>There are frustrating lunches with Louis and the ultimate fall of Prior&amp;Louis. There’s Belize toying with the idea of drag again (because when your best friend and sisters are getting sick all around you, you need to regress to the small pleasures in life).</p>
<p>He spends more concentrated time with Prior than he has in years, in between his shifts, hating the thought of him alone in his apartment. They have movie fests, attend funerals, and stake out Louis’s new boyfriend. Belize tries his best to keep up the positivity and to not let his own overwhelming fear be yet another burden on Prior. But he’s never been more scared in his life. He's unable to imagine a world without Prior in it, yet helpless to do anything but watch him get weaker, thinner, and slowly lose touch with reality. That last part is the nail in the coffin, and when angels and prophets begin to be talked about, Belize’s helplessness grows. </p>
<p>And then Louis is once again accusing Belize of hating him, this time under the guise of Belize being in love with Prior. He can barely process the words at first, blindsided. Instead, he focuses on Louis’ denial over this new guy. Throughout their argument his mind reels. Because of course Louis would project his current guilt and years long insecurity over Belize’s place in Prior’s life onto that conclusion. </p>
<p>Belize cannot begin to quantify his love and affection for Prior. It’s always existed as this organic thing, as natural as breathing. He’s never hated Louis for being Prior’s boyfriend, though, because that would mean he’d have to hate the fact that Prior was happy. </p>
<p>Any dislike or indifference Belize has had for Louis over the years begins and ends with the dumb things that often come out of his mouth. The tone of their relationship had been set from that very first New Year’s Eve, when Louis had made comments about drag, particular Balls. Over the years it’s evolved into Belize and Louis making subtle digs and jokes at one another’s expense, while Prior just rolls his eyes and calls them “a bunch of shady fucking queens.” </p>
<p><i>You aren’t my business</i> had been one of the truest things Belize ever said to Louis. <i>Prior is</i> had gone unspoken, but he knew Louis had heard it. If there was one thing they were both well aware of, it was that their existence in one another’s lives hinged on that one commonality. </p>
<p>So Belize circles back and sets the record straight: he has a man. Maybe he embellishes that Miguel has been in the picture <i>long</i> before Louis was around, but it’s worth it just to see his chagrin.</p>
<p>The funny thing is that Belize didn’t hate Louis before this, but he does hate him right now. For not being strong enough for this; for trying to justify his anguish and guilt with talk of Big Ideas and democracy; for having the luxury of turning away from death when Belize cannot help but be surrounded by it. </p>
<p>Moreover, he hates that he truly feels sorry for the guy, despite the pain he’s putting his best friend through. Because even though they are handling it in completely different ways, the ultimate conclusion is the same: they are both on the cusp of losing someone they love.</p>
<p>Throughout all of this, there’s Roy Fucking Cohn. Each day Belize is unraveling inside, despite apparently needing to be the one person to hold it together.</p>
<p>And then Roy Cohn dies and hope blooms.<br/>
_____________________</p>
<p>5. </p>
<p>
  <i>August 1986</i>
</p>
<p>Belize is drunk. He’s drunk, and he’s stretched out on Prior’s bed, on top of the sheets. Prior is sitting up against the headboard, absently rubbing his own thigh. Prior can’t really drink much with his meds, but he did smoke up in solidarity. It always makes him loose and relaxed. Plus it helps with the nausea from the AZT.</p>
<p>(They’d had long discussions—with each other, with Prior’s doctor from the hospital, with Miguel, with the medical associates that Miguel consulted—before Prior agreed to start the AZT. Miguel had to pull some strings to get him under the care of someone who wouldn’t question how or where he got the pills. He'd also gotten Prior on the official waiting list in the event their ‘lifetime supply’ ran out. Especially since Belize did spread some of the pills around to a few of his sisters.</p>
<p>If Prior had been going to develop anemia, resulting in bone marrow toxicity, it would’ve been in the first four to six weeks. Somehow ‘I do have my own life, you know’ morphed to Belize using up vacation days he’d never taken, as well as family leave after Prior was released from the hospital. He barely strayed from his side for two months; nothing else seemed to matter now that Prior had a second lease on life.</p>
<p>The first month Prior did experience tiredness and additional muscle pain as a result of the drugs. Between that and his already bad leg, he was pretty much wheelchair-bound and miserable. There were trips too and from the outpatient clinic; Emily had been happy to see them. Even when Prior got his own nurse and Belize returned to work, he usually caught the subway to the East Village instead of Manhattan Valley after his shift.</p>
<p>Which brought him to why he was drunk in Prior’s bed.)</p>
<p>Belize slurs his words as he talks. “Says I’m too preoccupied. All I talk about is you, your treatment, how you’re doing. That you’re getting stronger, I’m always at your apartment, we never see each other. Blah blah blah.”</p>
<p>Prior winces. “Oh lovely. Nice to know I was the cause of a breakup and we didn’t even fuck around!”</p>
<p>Belize squeezes his good leg. “That’s exactly my point! He’s merde. Bon débarras!”</p>
<p>“Tas de merde!” They’re silent for a moment. Prior brings his hand to the back of Belize’s neck and squeezes. “How are you, really?”</p>
<p>Belize sighs. “M'kay. Or I will be okay.”</p>
<p>In all honesty, Miguel wasn’t wrong. Belize’s focus has been Prior lately and not their relationship.</p>
<p>(<i>Whatever happens, baby, I will be here for you</i>, he’d told Prior.</p>
<p>He’d meant it more than anything.)</p>
<p>He’s also well aware that he could’ve fought more, that a few carefully placed words would’ve patched things up.</p>
<p>The thing is, he’d been happy with Miguel. Loved him. But the world had changed and Belize needed to change with it.</p>
<p>Prior hums. “Both of our relationships breaking up in the same year. It’s like the universe is trying to tell us something.”</p>
<p>Belize snorts. “The universe has already told you plenty, apparently, <i>mon ange</i>.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Prior sighs and slides down the bed, gingerly, so that they’re face to face on their sides. The muscle fatigue comes and goes now. Today is one of the good days, but Prior’s leg and hip still almost always bother him.</p>
<p>His newly adorned glasses are already lying on the table next to him and Belize touches the skin beneath one eye. “Bonjour.” Belize kisses his nose, grinning.</p>
<p>“Bonjour, mon amour.”</p>
<p>Prior’s lips press against his in one of those soft yet also firm, closed-mouthed kisses they’ve been exchanging for years now. Belize thinks back to that day after the funeral, the way Prior had clenched him tight, stole his breath. Belize grips the back of Prior’s neck before he can pull away, licks his way past his teeth.</p>
<p>Prior gasps, loud in the otherwise quiet. He moves both hands to Belize’s back, dragging up and down his spine.</p>
<p>They kiss until they’re both breathless. It’s like no time has passed, the press of Prior’s mouth achingly familiar.</p>
<p>Prior leans back when Belize starts dragging his tongue down his neck, puts a steadying hand on his chest. “We shouldn’t. You’re drunk and rebounding.”</p>
<p>Belize has never felt soberer, in fact; his mind clearing as all the blood rushes to his dick.</p>
<p>“Can it truly be a rebound when we’ve slept together before?”</p>
<p><i>Was Miguel a rebound?</i> he wonders absently through the still lingering haze.</p>
<p>Prior groans, dragging one hand over his eyes. “I don’t know, ma pauvre bichette, but you need to stop sucking on your fucking lip.”</p>
<p>The corners of his mouth curve upward. “Do it for me, then.”</p>
<p>Prior exhales sharply before whispering, “Oh, fuck it."  He captures Belize’s mouth in a searing kiss.</p>
<p>They bite at each other’s lips, hands roving. Prior pulls back, panting. Belize drags his mouth along across Prior’s cheek and down his jaw before kissing his lips again.</p>
<p>“This feels weird,” Prior mumbles, his fingertips gentle on Belize’s mustache.</p>
<p>Belize chuckles. “I’ve had it a few years now and we’ve kissed plenty since then.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. Not with your mouth all over my face.”</p>
<p>Belize’s pulse quickens. “No,” he agrees. “And it’ll probably be gone soon enough if I do pull the trigger on drag.” He deliberately rubs his mustache along Prior’s chin, eliciting a whimper. “Good?”</p>
<p>“Fuck, yes,” Prior whispers. Their mouths meet again with renewed hunger.</p>
<p>Before long they’re shifting, hips slotted together. Belize carefully grabs Prior’s bad leg and pulls it up over his thigh. “That okay?”</p>
<p>“Mm. Yes.”</p>
<p>Belize glides his fingers through Prior’s hair while Prior runs his hand down Belize’s chest, starts pulling up his tank top. Belize pulls back just enough so he can get it over his head, Prior’s hands dragging down his arms. 

“Always forget you have these muscles when you keep them so covered up.”

Belize laughs, flexing one bicep beneath Prior’s palm. Prior fumbles in between them and undoes his jeans, and then his hand is sliding inside his underwear. The feel of his fingers on his bare dick makes Belize tremble.</p>
<p>Prior jerks him slowly, their clothed bodies pressed in tight. “I forgot how big you are.” His words are quiet and anything but catty, Prior’s voice reverent, lost in a memory.</p>
<p>It throws Belize for a moment. His automatic response of, <i>I bet you say that to all the boys</i>, gets stuck in his throat. Because Prior hasn’t. Not anymore. It’s only been Louis for years. Belize vaguely wonders if he’s bigger than Louis, but refuses to ask.</p>
<p>“You ain’t too shabby yourself, from what I recall.”</p>
<p>Prior hums noncommittally, looking down between their bodies, forehead creased in concentration as his hand moves faster.</p>
<p>“You get me so hot,” Belize gasps, too honest.</p>
<p>Prior looks up at him, that new vulnerability lurking behind his eyes. “Yeah? Even now?”</p>
<p>He knows Prior is thinking of his too skinny ribs, the lesions, the times Belize had to carry him to and from the bathroom. Belize places his hand on his abdomen where he knows one lives. “Always,” Belize admits.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Prior says, a look of surprise on his face.</p>
<p>It had been Miguel and only Miguel for four years. Belize hadn’t strayed and wasn’t ever really tempted. When he and Prior got together, it wasn’t a struggle to not touch each other; they were both in love with other people. Even when Prior would bitch about Louis (which was often) the love was still radiating off him.</p>
<p>But that isn’t to say this thing between them ever truly went away. It’s simmered beneath the surface, dormant, sparks awakening during any press of closed lips only to fade into the background again a moment later. And Belize couldn’t help but remember the sex sometimes, or lying in bed afterward, kissing and laughing.</p>
<p>Now, without any barriers, without someone else taking up space in his heart Belize’s want is palpable. There’s no rebound to be had here because that would have to mean that Miguel had come first.</p>
<p>“C’mere baby,” Belize whispers, his fingers firm on Prior’s chin. He pulls him in for another kiss and Prior begins stroking him in earnest.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Prior whispers, ducking his head to watch his hand move. Their foreheads press together, breath hot against each other’s lips. Prior drags his nail over the flared head and Belize lets out a sob, nudging in to catch Prior’s lips again, biting softly.</p>
<p>Prior’s grip is firm, dragging up his length in long, languid pulls. His fingers disappear and the whimper that leaves Belize’s lips is embarrassing. Prior wriggles his hand up between their bodies, breaking the seal of their mouths to lick it obscenely. Belize groans and helps him, dragging his tongue between the web of his fingers. Together they get him good and wet and when Prior’s grip returns it’s even better than before.</p>
<p>Their mouths crush together again as Belize's hips thrust forward, fucking up into Prior’s fist. It’s mortifying how quickly he comes after that, Prior licking the moans out of his mouth the entire time.</p>
<p>Prior’s touch falls away and Belize pulls him down fully atop of him, burying his face in his neck.</p>
<p>Prior sighs against him and Belize sees him wipe his hand off on the bedsheets.</p>
<p>“Since when are you so unsanitary?” He laughs. “There are tissues right behind you.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, too much effort.” Belize’s stomach flips as Prior nuzzles his face against his chest, kissing the light smatterings of hair that he no longer waxes since stopping drag. Except he might start again. He’ll probably start again.</p>
<p>Belize kisses his temple. “I want to blow you.”</p>
<p>Prior tenses. “We need a rubber.”</p>
<p>Belize eases him gently back onto his side, curving into him again. “I know. Don’t worry; we’ll be safe.”</p>
<p>“I. I haven’t. Louis and I didn’t. When I got sick. I mean, I fellated him but I wasn’t getting it up if you remember...”</p>
<p>“Except for angels.” Belize nods. “And there’s been no one since.”</p>
<p>Prior scowls. “I’ve been a little exhausted! And I was in love with him for five years, maybe <i>he</i> can jump right into bed with someone else but—”</p>
<p>Belize holds a hand up. “Hush, ma belle, it wasn’t an indictment.”</p>
<p>Prior rolls his eyes, exhaling the still lingering pent-up anger. “Well, things with Lou sometimes were.”</p>
<p>“I’m not Louis.”</p>
<p>“No,” Prior replies, voice thoughtful. He bites his lip. “You really want to?” He waves in the vicinity of his dick.</p>
<p>“My jaw <i>aches</i> at the memory,” Belize replies, voice pitched low. His words are the same from that day in the hospital, but the dry wit is gone, replaced by heat, want and desire.</p>
<p>Prior’s eyes go dark. “Yeah. Okay, yes.”</p>
<p>Belize kisses him softly, then shucks off his pants and shirt, and rids Prior of his pajama pants. He clutches his t-shirt and Belize doesn’t push.</p>
<p>He grabs the condom. Together they get Prior in the most comfortable position for his leg, Belize between his thighs and Prior's legs bent at the knees.</p>
<p>Prior is completely soft when Belize slides off his boxers and throws them onto the floor.</p>
<p>“Slower to rise than normal, lately,” he sighs dramatically. “Courtesy of the meds.”</p>
<p>“Shh. I will get you there.”</p>
<p>His fingers brush featherlight over Prior’s cock while he kisses his stomach, his inner thighs. He grips him a little harder, feels Prior cock begin to fill. He dips his mouth lower, pressing a gentle kiss over his hole.</p>
<p>“Oh <i>god</i>.” A shudder wracks through Prior’s body and his hand comes to rest on Belize’s head. He shivers when Prior’s fingers scratch at his scalp, then rub over the back of his neck.</p>
<p>He sucks at Prior’s balls, finally feels his dick fully hard. Belize pulls back and opens the condom before rolling it down.</p>
<p>“This cannot be very sexy for you,” Prior sighs.</p>
<p>Belize quirks an eyebrow. “You think yours is the first latex-clad dick I’ve sucked?”</p>
<p>Prior looks away. “First one with AIDS.”</p>
<p>Belize pinches his thigh. “Hey.” He waits until Prior’s looking at him. “Enough of this self pity, girlfriend. You are still you. Sucking your cock is not some sort of chore now.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, I love it when you get all strict.”</p>
<p>Belize stares at him unwavering until Prior sighs. “Okay, okay.” He nods, squeezing Belize’s hand.</p>
<p>Belize ducks down between his thighs again, holding the base of Prior’s dick with his free hand. He sucks him down, tasting latex and nothing else. It’s different, but it’s still good. It’s been so goddamn long, yet the weight of Prior beneath his tongue is devastatingly familiar.</p>
<p>“Oh. Oh, that feels good.” Prior grips at his hair and moves his hips in small thrusts, groaning. Belize deep throats him and Prior squeezes his hand tightly, moaning loudly.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Oh mon dieu, your <i>mouth</i>. You drive me crazy. “</p>
<p>Belize whimpers around him and pulls halfway up before sliding down again.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Fuck, yes. Oh, baby, please.”</p>
<p>Belize wants to give him everything. He bobs his head faster, sucks harder.</p>
<p>“Oh god, pull. Pull off, I’m gonna.”</p>
<p>Belize does, leaving an obscene slurping sound in his wake. “It’s okay, it’s safe.”</p>
<p>Prior’s shaking his head before he even finishes. “No, just. Just jack me off.”</p>
<p>Belize sighs inwardly but compiles, gripping Prior tight and ducking his head again to lick along the crease of his inner thighs. He kisses his balls, then over Prior’s hole, again and again, jerking him hard and fast until he spills into the condom, gasping wordlessly.</p>
<p>Belize keeps kissing his thighs, one arm thrown across Prior’s torso.</p>
<p>Prior groans and reaches for his dick, begins to strip off the condom. Belize sits back on his heels then shifts to Prior’s right as he leans over to throw it in the wastebasket. Belize touches his back gently before kissing between Prior’s shoulder blades, resting his head there.</p>
<p>“I needed that.” Prior says, reaching back to squeeze Belize’s arm. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Belize tugs at Prior until he turns onto his side again, their bodies once again aligned. “I believe I’m the one on the rebound,” he says lightly, air quotes heavy around the last word. “So I should probably be thanking you.”</p>
<p>Prior lifts Belize’s hand to his lips, eyes remaining serious through his lashes. “I mean it. Thank you.”</p>
<p>They squeeze each other’s hands, entwined fingers dropping down by their sides as their lips meet in a chaste kiss. It’s like a million times before, until it isn’t. Someone’s mouth opens and suddenly they’re kissing slow and deep. It’s nothing like the passionate, fiery kisses they’ve been sharing for the past hour; it’s something far more intense.</p>
<p>It goes on for long minutes, washing over him like liquid silk. Belize knows realistically that they are both breathing — can hear the quiet hitching sounds as their mouths move against one another — but it also feels like they aren’t. Like time has stopped, suspended in this moment.</p>
<p>The kiss slows down even more, if possible; a deep, wet exploration of each other’s mouths at the most languid pace imaginable. Belize is frozen everywhere except his lips and tongue, terrified to move an inch. Prior’s hand finds his hip, squeezing tentatively, and it unlocks something within him.</p>
<p>Belize groans deep in this throat and curls his fingers into Prior’s hair, kissing him even deeper, if possible, swallowing a whimper. They’ve never kissed like this; Belize isn’t sure he’s kissed anyone like this, outside of Miguel. Maybe not even then. His body feels lit up anew, reborn.</p>
<p>The small part of his brain that isn’t consumed by this kiss wonders if Prior, despite being steadfast in his decision to not look back, is imagining Louis; wonders if Prior thinks he’s picturing Miguel.</p>
<p>He isn’t, he really isn’t. And it scares the shit out of him.</p>
<p>They finally break apart, a slow suction of lips against lips, teeth against flesh. Prior is breathing hard into the side of Belize’s face and they both look down at the same time.</p>
<p>Belize raises an eyebrow before looking back up. “Really?”</p>
<p>Prior blushes; Belize is not sure if he’s seen him blush <i>ever</i>. Belize takes Prior’s newfound, blood-heavy erection in his hand, stroking it slowly from base to tip. Prior shudders.</p>
<p>Belize’s own dick, which began to chub up during whatever just happened between them, pulses hard.</p>
<p>“C’mon, baby,” he whispers. Prior lets out a low moan against Belize’s neck and then they’re kissing again, fast and ferocious, exactly what Belize can handle.</p>
<p>They get another condom and end up with Prior on top of him. Belize rubs at his bad leg in soft circles with one hand while his other squeezes Prior’s still perfect ass. They frot against each other, gasping out their second orgasms of the night into each other’s mouths.</p>
<p>Afterward, they lay side by side on their backs, touching from shoulder to thigh.</p>
<p>“<i>Well!</i>”</p>
<p>Belize grunts, mind too blown to form any real thought. “I guess we’re still good at that,” he manages, turning his head to press a kiss into Prior’s shoulder blade. He’s deliberately underselling it; five years without and they haven’t lost their stride, still know one another’s bodies inside and out.</p>
<p>“Yes.” Prior’s rubbing absently at his lips, eyes closed. Belize feels warm all over.</p>
<p>Prior doesn't ask him to stay, but he also doesn’t ask him to go. Belize leaves anyway and spends the subway ride replaying that kiss in his head, rather than the orgasms.</p>
<p>————————————<br/>
+1 </p>
<p>
  <i>New Year’s Eve, 1989</i>
</p>
<p>It’s the end of another decade, and Belize is once again spending it at a swanky party in an Upper East Side loft courtesy of Louis Ironson. He hadn’t hated all the swank when he was with Miguel but had still kept to his thrift store wardrobe and coupon cutting while being taken to expensive restaurants and Broadway shows.</p>
<p>Louis’ idea of swank, however, was boring.</p>
<p>(“You know, you aren’t dating him anymore; this masochism is no longer necessary,” Belize had said a few weeks earlier when they’d been discussing New Year’s plans over the phone.</p>
<p>“And where else is this broken and tethered body to go, ma chérie?”</p>
<p>“Oh, the <i>melodrama</i>. Fine, we’ll go.”)</p>
<p>Prior has gotten stronger in the past three years, but he’ll always need the cane; the glasses are another permanent fixture. He’s alive though, on a steady dose of AZT and alive.</p>
<p>Belize is doing drag again, only a few nights a month. Prior comes to all of his shows and cheers the loudest. They both attend ACT UP events and other marches and rallies.</p>
<p>And, since that night after Miguel, they’ve fallen back into their best friends with benefits ways. Sometimes it feels different than before, particularly in bed (and it more often than not occurs <i>in</i> an actual bed these days. Aside from some couch makeouts, and one memorable time when Belize picked Prior up and pinned him against the refrigerator where they both came in their pants, Prior fingernails digging into his biceps.) Belize doesn’t spend long thinking about the possible reasons why, though.</p>
<p>Prior, in general, is different as well. He's slightly more subdued and more of a homebody now, but also content and grateful for every moment of life. He does some interior design contract work from his home, sitting and drawing for long periods before his body tells him it’s had enough.</p>
<p>Belize will come over after work a few nights a week. Sometimes they’ll fool around. Sometimes they’ll just paint each other's nails while listening to records. Or they'll settle on the couch, Prior's feet in his lap and Belize massaging them, and rewatch old classic movies or newer favorites like <i>Top Gun</i> —</p>
<p>(“It’s just all so <i>homo</i>, do you think they even realize?”</p>
<p>“If not, I’d be happy to draw them a diagram.”)</p>
<p>or <i>Beaches</i> —</p>
<p>(“Belize,” Prior’s face and voice were serious as he took Belize’s hand. “You are the wind beneath my wings, baby.”</p>
<p>“Did you grow them after being fucked by an angel?” Belize responded, loving that he could joke about it, now that the imminent fear of Prior slipping away had receded.</p>
<p>They’d laughed so loud they drowned out the song.)</p>
<p>Belize never stays the night; he often wants to but doesn’t know how to ask. It was never their thing, despite how close they’ve always been. So on the nights that end in the bedroom, he leaves Prior — blissed out and sated on tangled chests — with lingering kisses and something heavy in his chest.</p>
<p>While Prior has long since accepted the reality of his positive status, he remains hesitant when it comes to sex. He’ll let Belize finger him, but he won’t let him fuck him. Belize tried to explain how it’s less risky for Belize to catch anything if he’s the one doing the fucking, but Prior still shut it down. Belize bottoming freaks Prior out even more. He’s fucked Prior with a dildo until he’s sobbed out his orgasm (and vice versa) but that’s been the extent of it. Rimming has pretty much been off the table too.</p>
<p>Belize has plenty of friends, both positive and negative, who’ve made the same adjustments. He also knows plenty of people who have never cared for anal, and it’s never been part of their sex lives. Prior has always cared, is the thing. It’d been an act that brought him a lot of joy until it brought him something else.</p>
<p>Being an AIDS nurse, Belize has seen first hand the confusion of what is and isn’t safe; the misinformation, the fear. One of the memos sent around the hospital a couple of years back had said there was risk for infection even if using a condom for anal intercourse. It’d been suggested the act be avoided completely.</p>
<p>There were also conflicting opinions on oral, and even things like kissing, initially. It was that kind of ignorance and fear that had settled inside the once fearless Prior — and so many of their friends — to varying degrees. </p>
<p>Everything they do is still as hot and intense as it always was — there’s just been a hell of a lot more thigh fucking and frotting, as well as an increase in 69-ing. And always with condoms on.</p>
<p>Belize has definitely become a staunch advocate for safe sex. That being said, he’s also pretty damn positive there isn’t a need for either of them to be wearing a rubber when fucking each other’s thighs. Nevertheless, he hasn’t pushed Prior on that issue or any other.</p>
<p>Louis is back in the picture but not <i>that way</i>. It had taken him and Prior the better part of a year to reconcile to the point of friends.</p>
<p>(“If I hadn’t gotten sick, I never would have known,” Prior had said one night. He'd been a few months after Belize and Prior had started sleeping together again, and right at the beginnings of Prior’s <i>let's see if we can actually be friends without killing each other</i> thing with Louis.</p>
<p>They’d been in Prior’s apartment, taking a bath together; Prior settled between Belize’s thighs with his right leg hanging bent off to the side. He was better about being fully naked if he was submerged in water.</p>
<p>“Hmm?”</p>
<p>“Louis. If I hadn’t — we would have just kept on going, status quo. I wouldn’t have known that the person I thought I’d spend my life with had limitations on what it meant to love me.”</p>
<p>“Hey, now. Limitations on love in <i>general</i>. Not just you.”</p>
<p>“Yes, alright.” He’d slid one hand down Belize’s arm before bringing his hand to his lips and pressing a kiss there. “I’m making a point. Despite his wanting to come back and his admittance of failing in love— that isn’t something you can forget. That when you needed someone the most, they ran away. I’m not as bitter as I was about it; it isn’t something I ever would’ve done to him, to anyone, but I do recognize that he is human. I’ve listened to him recount his fear and his tears and how pushing me away was better than watching me die. Some part of me will always resent him, but I also almost forgive him. Still, if I hadn’t gotten sick, I wouldn’t have known. I’m glad I do.”</p>
<p>“<i>Okay</i>...”</p>
<p>Prior sighed. “I’m not saying I’m <i>glad</i> I got sick. But — I <i>am</i> glad I’m no longer wasting my time on romance there.”</p>
<p>Belize had tilted Prior’s face back and up, pressed kisses to his forehead, his cheek, his lips.</p>
<p>“Me too,” he’d whispered.)</p>
<p>Belize hasn’t outright told Louis about their renewed sexual relationship, but he thinks Prior has. They kiss in front of him now but not really in a way that’s inherently different from that time in the hospital (when Belize had paused, a little surprised that Prior wanted to in front of him, and a little breathless at the look on Prior’s face after). They’ve also shown up to a diner, fairly rumpled and drunk on the great sex they’d just had, on more than one occasion. Louis never bats an eye; Prior always did remark on how blissfully ignorant he could be.</p>
<p>If Louis does know, he hasn’t confronted Belize about it. Perhaps he’s matured a little. Belize is pretty sure Prior will always be The One That Got Away for Louis. He doesn’t like to dwell on that fact much.</p>
<p>Prior goes on a few dates from time to time. Sometimes those dates lead to sex. But he doesn’t pull the way he used to, and his dates never lead to relationships.</p>
<p>Belize still hooks up elsewhere occasionally, usually when he’s desperate to get fucked and wishing it were Prior who would do it. It scratches the itch to a degree but is never as satisfying as he hopes. He never tops someone else; the act was never something he craved much, until he began doing it with Prior.</p>
<p>(“All this intercrural sex can’t be very thrilling for you,” Prior had said a few months back.</p>
<p>Belize had snorted at the word choice, still trying to catch his breath, his chest plastered against Prior’s back and slick with sweat. “Does it sound like I’m complaining?” He’d bitten his way along Prior’s shoulder, making him moan softly.</p>
<p>“Still...”</p>
<p>He could have reassured Prior that getting his brains fucked out by some stranger would never even begin to compare to this, but just the thought had made his stomach flip.</p>
<p>So Belize simply kissed Prior’s neck, his jaw, his mouth, and whispered, “J'adore ça. Vraiment.”)</p>
<p>Back in the here and now, they’re grinding together on the makeshift dance floor to Cold Hearted, Belize’s hands on the small of Prior’s back. Prior doesn’t really dance the way he once used to; he just presses up against a body and moves his hips until his leg tells him it's had enough. Usually, that body is Belize’s but a few times when they’d gone out together Prior had allowed himself to do it with someone else. He also enjoys slow dancing, which they’ve done together a few times. The act always leaves Belize rather shaken, afterward.</p>
<p>“I need some air,” he says in Belize’s ear after the song ends, code for <i>my leg is hurting</i>. </p>
<p>Belize kisses behind his ear. “Go on, I’ll get us some champagne.”</p>
<p>Belize makes a detour for the bathroom before heading to the open bar. A few minutes later he’s weaving his way through the crowd of bodies and spots the silhouette of a man with a cane on the balcony.</p>
<p>Belize slides the glass door open. A gust of cold air hits his face just as Billy Joel shouts, “JFK, blown away! What else do I have to say?”</p>
<p>Belize groans. “There is way too much white music at this party. <i>And</i> people.”</p>
<p>“Mmm. Roy Cohn <i>and</i> AIDS, though. It’s as if Long Island’s golden boy is singing our theme song.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, I perish the thought.”</p>
<p>Prior cackles. “I’ll tell the DJ to play some Janet for you, baby.”</p>
<p>“Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty,” he completes automatically. He hands Prior one of the flutes. “Cheers, you’re a doll.”</p>
<p>They clink glasses. "There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne,” Prior recites.</p>
<p>Belize chuckles. “Amen, Bette.”</p>
<p>“Have you seen Miss Hannah?”</p>
<p>“I think she was last talking to Louis over by the hors d'oeuvres.” Belize shakes his head. That duo will forever be surreal.</p>
<p>“I’m glad she came along,” Prior says, leaning back against the balcony.</p>
<p><i>I’m glad you finally have the mother figure you deserve,</i> Belize doesn’t say.</p>
<p>(Prior’s visits home for the holidays have been fraught since he got his diagnosis. His mother treats him like he’s permanently broke and hasn’t stopped saying <i>I told you so</i> regarding Louis. Her now-husband barely wants to shake his hand. This year, he’d opted not to go, and Belize had invited him to his mom’s place.</p>
<p>Belize didn’t always have the familial support he has now. A wedge had been created between him and his mom when Belize came out in his senior year. It'd taken her a little while to fully accept Belize for who and what he is. He hadn’t been shunned like some of his friends; she had always loved him. She just also couldn’t fully understand it and had begun to blame herself. For his lack of a father figure, for letting him play dress up as a kid. Belize would always insist that there was nothing she did or didn't do. He had been born this way and wouldn’t change even if he could. Finding drag and its community during that time had been much needed. She had come around to it all shortly before he met Prior and since then their relationship had never been better.</p>
<p>They’d exchanged gifts in his mom’s apartment, just the three of them and Belize’s aunt. Belize is aware that Prior had never met much of Louis’ family despite how long they’d been together. But it hadn’t been that way for them; Prior would attend lunches and dinners here and there, less so when Miguel had been in this picture. This year Prior had gotten him a Christian Lacroix silk scarf. “To accessorize your already modified uniform! You can never have <i>too</i> much color,” he’d exclaimed, charming his mom and aunt even more.</p>
<p>Belize had bought a watch that Prior said he liked when they went to B. Altman’s during their liquidation sale. Prior had always loved the Art Nouveau style architecture of the building and was saddened by its imminent closing. All of those swanky 5th Avenue department stores were not Belize’s scene, but he had to agree about the building’s beauty. He’d capitalized on the trip by being able to purchase something for Prior that he otherwise wouldn’t have, if not for the 60% discount.</p>
<p>Their gifts to each other over the past few years have remained practical, but have definitely grown in extravagance: another expensive scarf (cashmere, that time) along with winter gloves, cologne, hand cream, and body lotion.</p>
<p>Belize had studied his latest scarf from Prior while sitting on the floor in front of his mom's Christmas tree. Prior, in turn, had smiled down at the watch while fastening to his wrist. Belize had wanted to do it for him, wanted to kiss him and taste the eggnog Prior had drunk. But he definitely was not about to in front of his mama. She already asked him at least once a month when he was going to ‘settle down with that nice little white boy,’ without even a hint of irony in her voice.)</p>
<p>Belize steps up beside Prior, looking out over the balcony. Prior turns so that they’re both facing the New York skyline. “At least Louis has friends in literally high places.”</p>
<p>Belize snorts. “We could’ve had a lot more fun at Boy Bar and you know it.”</p>
<p>Prior shrugs. “It isn’t so bad here. Besides, you’re the one who’s kept up your lunch dates with him.”</p>
<p>“That boy <i>needs</i> me to keep him in check.”</p>
<p>“<i>Such</i> a martyr,” Prior drawls, bumping Belize with his good hip. In all honesty, despite how much he and Louis still argue they do get along a lot better now. Louis's long, hard look at himself during that miserable winter had actually done him a lot of good. </p>
<p>Belize puts his arm around Prior and his head immediately comes to rest on Belize's shoulder. Belize kisses his forehead, feels a shiver go through Prior’s body.</p>
<p>“You should have a coat on.”</p>
<p>“I’m fine; you worry too much.”</p>
<p>Belize snorts.</p>
<p>“You aren’t miserable here, though.”</p>
<p>It’s only half a question but Belize answers it anyway, letting his lips slide to Prior’s temple. “No. It’s fine, ma chérie.”</p>
<p><i>Because it’s with you</i>, he finishes silently, the thought surprising him.</p>
<p>Prior hums. “I am sorry about ‘80 though. We should’ve just gone to The Saint.”</p>
<p>Ah, so that’s where his head is at. “We got to go plenty of times. It’s all good, sweetheart. Besides, that’s ancient history.”</p>
<p>“Another one bites the dust,” Prior sighs. “End of the glory days.”</p>
<p>Belize tsks and turns so they’re facing, his hands resting on Prior’s shoulders. “What’s got you so morose tonight, mon ange?”</p>
<p>“Just wondering about my appeal; what this nearly thirty-six year old HIV-pos queen has got left to offer.” He doesn’t say it with exaggerated flourish or a quote from Silver Screen Starlets of old. Belize frowns.</p>
<p>He presses two fingers under Prior’s chin to lift it while squeezing one shoulder. “Hey,” he starts, voice firm. “You’ve got a <i>shit ton</i> to offer. You’re Prior Fucking Walter. You’re about the only damn white person I can tolerate most days. You’re fierce and strong and beautiful. And I love you.”</p>
<p>Prior is staring at him, lips parted. “I love you, too.” His eyes are serious.</p>
<p>Belize can’t recall if they’ve ever said that to one another in English. His breath catches in his throat. A sensation rocks his core, like he’s been out to sea, adrift, and just spotted the beacon from a lighthouse in the distance.</p>
<p>“Belize—” Prior starts.</p>
<p>Someone opens the balcony door, laughing loudly and stumbling outside, crashing through the moment.</p>
<p>“Sorry!” the woman giggles.</p>
<p>“Let’s go in,” Prior says, shaking his head and taking Belize’s hand.</p>
<p>They work their way through the crowd, Belize still feeling dazed. Prior does indeed request Janet and they dirty dance to Rhythm Nation, avoiding each other’s eyes, their cheeks and bodies pressed together. </p>
<p>Louis comes over and all three of them talk about the hotness of the waiters; the riots in Hong Kong; Dan Quayle’s idiocy (not necessarily in that order) until he wanders off again with a half-hearted wave of his hand.</p>
<p>“He’s got his <i>eye</i> on some DA,” Prior stage whispers.</p>
<p>Belize hums, distracted.</p>
<p>“He isn’t still in love with me,” Prior announces grandly after a moment, making Belize’s head turn.</p>
<p>“I beg your pardon?”</p>
<p>Prior rolls his eyes. “Louis. He’s no longer in love with me. He isn’t plotting to win me back. Nor am I him, on either account. I just thought it should be noted on the record. In case there was any misconception.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Belize says.</p>
<p>Prior levels him with a look he can’t decipher. “Like you once said, the world doesn’t spin backwards.”</p>
<p>Belize has no time to process that because just then Hannah joins them. Prior teases her that she’d have an easy time converting some of the people here to Mormonism, while he and Prior steal glances at one another that make Belize’s mouth go dry despite the seemingly endless supply of champagne.</p>
<p>Then Hannah heads in the direction of the punch and Belize still has no time to analyze that moment on the balcony or Prior’s declaration or how the two might or might not be related because suddenly it’s the countdown. They’re yelling at the top of their lungs, accepting new glasses of champagne from a nearby waiter, as another decade comes to a close around them.</p>
<p>Auld Lang Syne is playing and Belize is grabbed and kissed on the cheek by people he doesn’t know, confetti falling around them. He spins on his heel and is face to face with Prior, heart suddenly in his throat.</p>
<p>They grin at each other widely after a beat, clinking their glasses together.</p>
<p>“Helloooo, 90s!”</p>
<p>“To surviving!” Prior yells, before placing his glass down on the empty tray of another passing waiter. With his cane resting against a nearby table he now has both hands free when he reaches up and pulls Belize down to him.</p>
<p>The kiss is closed-mouthed and firm. And then it is anything but. All at once it turns lush and wet, their tongues tangling, their breath mingling. Prior’s glasses dig into the side of Belize’s face every few seconds as they break apart to once again change the angle. They kiss slow and dreamlike, in a way that they haven’t since the night they began all this again.</p>
<p>Belize’s heart pounds in his chest as he pulls Prior closer with his one free hand, holding him firm but gently around the waist. Prior sighs against him and drags his hands up and down Belize’s back as they keep on kissing, everything else a distant blur.</p>
<p>He thinks back to that moment on the balcony and trembles.</p>
<p>They break apart, slowly, a line of spit connecting their lips as they part.</p>
<p>“Prior…” His voice is shaking.</p>
<p>Prior presses in close again, his mouth hot on Belize’s ear as he whispers, “I think you should take me home.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Belize gasps.</p>
<p>After a pause, Prior continues. “I think you should keep taking me home. Exclusively.”</p>
<p>Belize’s heart stutters and kickstarts.</p>
<p>
  <i>Oh.</i>
</p>
<p>You shouldn’t be able to fall in love with your full-time best friend and part-time lover after nearly twelve years. It was the ultimate cliché.</p>
<p>Belize hadn’t been lying that time when Louis had accused him of being in love with Prior. He hadn’t been in love with Prior back then. At least, not consciously.</p>
<p>But he’s all at once realizing that ever since that non-rebound night in Prior’s bed, the slope has been a slippery one. Maybe for longer than he’s known.</p>
<p>Belize pulls back to study Prior; he has more war wounds and battle scars than the twenty-three year old twink he met at Studio 54. They both do. Perhaps that’s what got them to this point. That, after everything, it was inevitable.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Belize repeats, before using an endearment he never has before. “L’amour de ma vie.”</p>
<p>Keeping things status quo is no longer an option, the needle being moved once more. It’s a new decade and Belize wants them to do more than survive it.</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Prior’s eyes are wide, gleaming with unshed tears behind his glasses. “Ma raison de vivre.”</p>
<p>They kiss again, this time fast and frenzied, Belize’s own eyes feeling wet. Everyone is still celebrating; Tina Turner’s The Best blasts around them.</p>
<p>They laugh shakily together the next time they break apart, grinning like kids and still pressed in close.</p>
<p>“Let’s get out of here,” Prior rasps. They gather their things quickly and move through the crowd.</p>
<p>Louis sees them as they’re leaving, off to the side of the door with a glass of champagne in his hand as he laughs with Hannah. His eyebrows raise. On paper, the scene isn’t much different from the way he and Prior always are with one another. Belize has a protective arm around him, Prior tucked against his shoulder. Comfortable, familiar.</p>
<p>Except that right now, Prior’s face is turned into Belize’s neck and there’s a string of hot, open-mouthed kisses that he’s pressing into Belize’s skin beneath the collar of his brocade coat. Belize is kissing the top of his head, lovingly, as he meets Louis’s gaze.</p>
<p>Louis pauses only a second before raising his glass, something akin to understanding and approval in his eyes. Like he knows (just like Belize knows) that this is not just another hookup for them.</p>
<p>Belize has never needed Louis Ironson’s approval on anything, but he still tilts his head in acknowledgment. Prior is too focused on his task as a wannabe vampire to notice.<br/>
———————————-</p>
<p>They kiss in the taxi, ignoring the grumbling of the driver. They kiss in the elevator up to Prior’s apartment, and then up against his door, and then pressed into the <i>inside</i> of his door. Their mouths move together, tongues licking slow and deep like they’re trying to climb inside one another.</p>
<p>Prior’s cane clatters to the floor as they shed their shoes and their coats, hands roaming up and down each other’s bodies. It feels like forever since they’ve touched like this, despite it having only been a few days. Belize gets one hand under Prior’s thighs and lifts him bridal style, carrying him through the living room.</p>
<p>Prior squeals in delight, head thrown back on a laugh. “Oooh, Maverick, you big stud! Take me to bed or lose me forever!”</p>
<p>He’s giggling into Belize’s neck by the time they reach the bedroom, the vibrations against his skin making Belize shiver. It’s the greatest sound in the world.</p>
<p><i>My reason for living</i>, Prior said earlier. No pressure there. Belize’s heart does somersaults in his chest again, impossibly in love. It doesn’t make sense to feel so consumed by something that’s laid dormant.</p>
<p>He places Prior down on the bed and follows suit, stretching out beside him.</p>
<p>“Hi,” Prior breathes, smiling and tugging Belize in by his collar.</p>
<p>“Hey there.” Their mouths meet on a grin, and it turns wet and deep from the get-go.</p>
<p>Suddenly, terror strikes him. He pulls back, hand on Prior’s chest, holding him at arm's length.</p>
<p>“Wait, Prior... this isn’t. This isn’t just because it’s easy. Because you don’t want the effort of trying with someone new.”</p>
<p>Prior rolls his eyes. “You aren’t obtuse, Belize, please don’t pretend to be.”</p>
<p>“You were the one who was just maudlin over having nothing to offer anyone!”</p>
<p>“You are not anyone!”</p>
<p>“No, but I <i>am</i> convenient.”</p>
<p>Prior sits up, his eyes glittering with anger. “You have never been that. <i>Ever</i>. You’re. You’re <i>essential</i> don’t you see that? Losing Louis shattered my heart, and I thought it might kill me, maybe I even wanted it to. Except it didn’t, it stitched its way back together. But losing you? Would be like trying to breathe without oxygen. I couldn’t do it, and more importantly? I don’t ever want to. My heart would rupture. I said it already: ma raison de vivre.”</p>
<p>Belize raises one hand to swipe under his suddenly misty eyes, inhaling sharply. “Always the flare for the dramatic. You should have been an actor.”</p>
<p>Prior smiles, all lips and no teeth, his own eyes wet. Belize leans in to bring their foreheads together. “Besides, you can hardly blame a girl for double-checking.” Prior lets out a hitched laugh while Belize continues. “I said it, too. L’amour de ma vie. You’re all I want; I need. Essential.”</p>
<p>Prior’s glasses nudge against his nose as they shift to kiss, tongues tangling.</p>
<p>“So we’re doing this,” Prior whispers. His voice is shaky as their mouths part.</p>
<p>“Oui, mon ange.”</p>
<p>Prior inhaled sharply. “And if I get sick… sicker…”</p>
<p><i>God dammit, Louis</i>. </p>
<p>He takes Prior’s face in his hands. “I’m going to be right where I have been this whole time. With you.” He kisses his forehead. “Except I’ll be your boyfriend.”</p>
<p>“Boyfriend. I like the way that sounds.”</p>
<p>“Me too,” Belize whispers, heart clenching in his chest. He removes Prior’s glasses, placing them on the bedside table before they fall into each other once more, hands roaming. Belize pulls Prior on top of him, gets his shirt off. He’s no longer as self-conscious about being fully naked in bed; has gained back nearly all his weight while the meds have shrunk the existing lesions.</p>
<p>They’re naked before he knows it, Belize’s cock drooling against Prior’s hip. Prior grabs a condom, kisses down his body before rolling it on. Then he fits his mouth over Belize’s dick, hot and perfect, slow and drawn out. Belize gasps up at the ceiling, hands fisted in Prior’s hair.</p>
<p>“Love your mouth, baby. Shit, you turn me on like no one ever has.”</p>
<p>As soon as he says the words he knows they’re true.</p>
<p>Prior slides his lips up his dick, swirls his tongue around the head. “Same.” Prior’s voice is rough as he kisses the crease of his thigh. “Never had it better than you. I think Louis knew it, too, s’why he was always so hung up on our relationship.”</p>
<p>Belize twists his fingers in Prior’s hair. “Baby, don’t talk about your ex while you’re sucking my dick.” His heart jerks at the confirmation though; it had been something he’d always wondered about.</p>
<p>Prior giggles. “A true faux pas.” Then he slowly licks up his inner thigh once more, with just the tip of his tongue.</p>
<p>“God.” Belize cards his fingers in his floppy hair again, dragging along his scalp.</p>
<p>Prior goes back to sucking him and Belize could let this happen. He could come and then blow Prior in return like they’ve been doing for the past two and a half years, a diagnosis as their barrier. Or he could move the needle once more.</p>
<p><i>I want to fuck you</i>, he could say. He has before, listened to Prior theorize why they shouldn’t.</p>
<p>“I want to be inside of you, Prior,” he says instead. Because it means so much more than a fuck, and he needs Prior to know that.</p>
<p>Prior pulls off and squints up at him. “Belize…”</p>
<p>Belize sits upright, drawing Prior to his lips. “And I want you inside of me.” He kisses him slow and sweet as Prior shivers. “And we can. I’m a nurse, sweetie, I know we can; it isn’t as muddled as it was a few years back. And we’ll get tested for STDs again and then we can stop using condoms for oral.”</p>
<p>Prior huffs. “This is killing the mood.”</p>
<p>Belize pulls back to meet his eyes. “Look, if you truly don’t want to, I will gladly stick to the dildos and thigh fucking till the end of time. This isn’t some ultimatum, sugar. But if it’s out of fear, I say don’t let the virus take away things that bring you pleasure. It isn’t stronger than you. Fuck it.”</p>
<p>Prior smiles slightly, his eyes shiny again. “Yeah,” he agrees quietly. He tips forward to bring their foreheads together. “Fuck it.”</p>
<p>Belize slides a hand over Prior’s ass as his lips drag across Prior’s jaw. “Do you want to feel me?”</p>
<p>“God.” Prior puts his hand over Belize’s heart. “Of course I do. You’ve no idea.”</p>
<p>Belize tugs on his earlobe with his teeth. “Oh but I do, ma petite bichette.” He reaches down and finds Prior’s dick almost fully hard; a nice surprise. Belize gives it a long stroke. “I love it. Fucking you, getting fucked by you. <i>Feeling</i> you. Miss it so damn much.”</p>
<p>Prior sucks in a breath, tilts back so they can kiss again. He ditched the glasses as they got underdressed and Belize drags his thumb under the crease of his eye as their mouths move together.</p>
<p>Prior’s hand fists his dick, the two of them jerking each off slowly. “I want this inside me.” The words sound like a confession. “I want <i>you</i> inside me.”</p>
<p>Their mouths surge together. Belize tips them over, rolls Prior beneath him, careful of his leg. He strips off the current condom and reaches into the bedside drawer to get a new one, along with the lube.</p>
<p>He ducks between Prior’s thighs and licks at his balls before moving lower.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t…”</p>
<p>Belize looks up. He’s given Prior a wide breadth lately, but if they were moving forward with this then things had to be said. “That stupid book we all read wasn’t gospel, baby. I can get other things this way, but not likely that. Same with blowing you, like I said.” He bites over Prior’s ass, making him moan. “So let me do this?”</p>
<p>Prior exhales. His hands reach down to Belize’s head, scratching through his hair. “Yeah, yes. Want you to.”</p>
<p>Belize shivers and kisses over his hole, parting his cheeks and licking tentatively.</p>
<p>Prior gasps, sharp and loud. “Oh, fuck. Baby.”</p>
<p>Belize moans against him, keeps it shallow, teasing. He pulls back just long enough to reach for the lube and then returns, sliding one slick finger inside Prior alongside his tongue.</p>
<p>“Need you. Fuck, I need you. It’s been <i>literal</i> years.”</p>
<p>Belize laughter rumbles against his skin. He pulls back, kisses one cheek. “Who’s stubbornness is to blame for that?”</p>
<p>Prior flips him off sweetly.</p>
<p>Belize leaves wet, sucking kisses on his way up to Prior’s lips. They kiss again, then Belize fits himself up against Prior’s back. He reaches for the lube again, shifts Prior’s injured leg forward before sliding two fingers inside.</p>
<p>Prior moans softly, his head falling back against Belize’s shoulder. Belize kisses his neck, sucks on his skin, hard enough to bruise.</p>
<p>“Need more?” He asks after crooking his fingers, making Prior shake against him as he hits just the right spot.</p>
<p>Prior shakes his head, lips pressed tight together. “Now. Please, mon grand.”</p>
<p>Belize chuckles into his skin. “Okay, mon ange.”</p>
<p>He shucks off the first rubber and grabs a new one. Belize rolls it on and grabs the lube, spreading it down his dick while watching the sinful curve of Prior’s back. His face is half-pressed into the pillows and his body shaking slightly.</p>
<p>“You okay?” Belize whispers, pressing a kiss to Prior’s shoulder as he spoons up behind him.</p>
<p>Prior lets out a breathless laugh. “Just excited.”</p>
<p>Belize strokes his hair, love rising and swelling in chest. He goes slow, guiding himself inside as Prior breathes in and out shakily. “You’re perfect,” Belize murmurs against his throat. “It’s all okay.”</p>
<p>Prior nods, sniffling a little. His hand reaches around behind them, touches two fingers to where they’re joined, making Belize’s dick jerk inside him.</p>
<p>“Fuck. Je suis fou amoureux de toi.”</p>
<p>Belize barely hears the words, too focused on sliding inside Prior again after so long without. He breathes through it, stilling once his balls are flush against Prior’s ass. His eyes drift shut and he shudders out a loud exhale. “What’d you say just then?” He reaches for Prior’s hip, squeezing.</p>
<p>“Oh.” The high peaks of Prior’s cheeks flush a gorgeous red. “Um. I said I’m madly in love with you.”</p>
<p>Now his own cheeks feel hot. Belize licks a slow line up Prior’s neck, whispers, “Same. I love you.” It still feels so surreal, saying the words like that, knowing they mean everything they had before plus more. He presses his smile into Prior’s skin, stupidly happy.</p>
<p>“Ugh, we are <i>such</i> homos, let’s just fuck.”</p>
<p>“Don’t need to tell <i>me</i> twice.” They’re both still laughing as Belize pulls out halfway and then thrusts forward. Prior lets out a long, guttural moan and Belize pushes forward again.</p>
<p>“You’re so tight,” he whispers into Prior’s throat.</p>
<p>Prior’s laughter rumbles against his lips and he places his hand over Belize’s. “Mmm, like a virgin.”</p>
<p>“Alright there, Madonna.”</p>
<p>He keeps the pace slow; a long, steady rhythm, their hands clasped together tightly on Prior’s hip. Before long Belize is barely pulling out, just grinding in deep — <i>fuck</i> — his hips moving in slow circles. Prior’s skin is slick with sweat, his lips swollen from their kisses.</p>
<p>Belize curves in closer over his shoulder. He drags their mouths together again, his hand moving to Prior’s cock at the same time.</p>
<p>Prior cries out sharply. Belize mimics his last thrust, catching the same angle. “Yeah? There?”</p>
<p>Prior gasps again. “Oh, god yes. Fuck, that’s good.” He groans against Belize’s mouth as Belize strokes his way up his length, thumbing the head of his dick. “God damn, you’re so deep. Feel every inch of you.”</p>
<p>Belize moans and licks inside his mouth again. Prior’s hand covers his own and they jerk him off together, Belize’s rings dragging along his length and making Prior groan.</p>
<p>They’ve never done it like this before; slow and languid, like they’ve got all the time in the world. Their past fucks have been the pounding, balls slapping against skin, furniture shaking kind. Absolutely mind-blowing but nothing even close to this level of overwhelming.</p>
<p>Belize lets himself think of the sex they’ve been having since that hot August night; the slow way Prior blows him, licking all over his thighs and kissing up and down his legs like he has nowhere better to be. The way they’ll sometimes just kiss for what feels like forever, yet still making sure it’s hot and desperate, never slow again there. He finally sees all the ways they were changing, both in and out of bed, yet also so scared to evolve.</p>
<p>Prior gasps against his lips. “Does it feel different for you?”</p>
<p>Belize jerks out of his thoughts, ducking his head to nose along Prior’s neck. “Does what, mon amour?”</p>
<p>“Making love to me with a condom.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Normally, he’d tease Prior over his randomly formal word choices, like he does when Prior says things like fallete and intercrural. He can’t, though, realizing with sudden clarity that that’s exactly what’s happening tonight. Belize’s heart flips over in his chest. He has no idea how to answer. Everything feels like it’s sparking, his body lit up from within. It’s as though he’s closer to Prior than ever before, despite this new barrier between them.</p>
<p>Belize places a string of kisses along Prior’s shoulder blade. “A little, yeah.” He presses a sucking kiss to his skin, mumbles, “Still fabulous.”</p>
<p>Prior moans softly as Belize’s hips rock forward once more, punctuating his words. Their mouths drag back together, hot and wet.</p>
<p>Belize is conscious of every place they’re touching, the rhythm of their breaths and the beat of their hearts. They don’t stop kissing. Belize keeps circling his hips, pushing in as far as he can go with the angle. He hits exactly where he needs to, making Prior whimper every time. Belize lips slide to the corner of Prior’s mouth. “That feel good, ma chérie?”</p>
<p>Prior moans softly, moving his free hand to grasp onto Belize’s hip, squeezing. “Oh fuck, yes.” He pushes back against him, riding what he can of Belize’s dick. “Oh, I’ve missed this.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Belize groans, biting his own lip at how amazing Prior feels around him, never wanting it to end. He presses forward, bringing their lips into contact again, swallowing Prior’s moans as finds that spot inside him again and again. Anytime it feels like they’re almost there, Belize draws back, slows it down even more. It goes on for what feels like forever; their bodies sweaty, slick hands dragging up and down Prior’s cock while Belize presses in deeper still, inevitably driving them both closer to the edge.</p>
<p>“Belize. Baby,” Prior gasps, Belize’s lips sliding to the corner of his mouth again as he wretches away. “I’m gonna... I’m — oh <i>fuck</i>.”</p>
<p>They stroke him through it together, jizz coating their fingers as Prior cries out loudly. His body jerks and spasms, ass clenching tight around Belize’s dick.</p>
<p>“Don’t come yet,” Prior whispers. His hips are still pushing back, making Belize see stars. “Please. Wanna keep feeling this.”</p>
<p>Belize groans, his mouth latching onto Prior’s neck, sucking hard, wanting to mark him up. He keeps his mouth there, hips still moving jerkingly, fucking up into Prior. His thighs quake as he tries to hold out. He lets Prior’s ragged breaths and gasps wash over him, lets him tremble and shake in his arms, pushing back every time Belize hitches forward.</p>
<p>He lasts three minutes more, if that. It’s longer than he thought he would, honestly.</p>
<p>“Fuck, baby. Prior, I can’t—”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Prior whispers, voice fucked out. He lifts their still joined hands, pressing open-mouthed to Belize’s palm and making him shudder even more. “C’mon now, darlin’. Come for me.”</p>
<p>Belize squeezes his eyes shut, mouth falling open on a shaky exhale against Prior’s now bruised skin as he lets go. He fucks in and out harder than before, but still in long drags. Prior clenches around him the entire time as his orgasm washing over him, loud moans falling from his lips.</p>
<p>Belize blinks sweat out of his eyes, his mouth slack as it travels lazily up Prior’s neck and behind his ear. “Oh my fucking god.”</p>
<p>“Tell me about it.” Prior laughs, breathless. He tilts his head back so that they’re kissing again, squeezing Belize’s hand tightly as he does.</p>
<p>It slows to that dreamy state once more, and Belize wonders if this is just what it’s like all the time when you’re kissing your soulmate.</p>
<p>“Gonna pull out now,” he whispers when they have to breathe.</p>
<p>“Mmmkay.”</p>
<p>Belize does so, slowly, Prior’s hole clinging to him as he withdraws. He immediately misses the feel of him, hot even through a layer of latex. He rolls off the bed to deal with the condom, tossing a few tissues at Prior as he goes. He cleans off his own hand with some toilet paper, tossing both it and the condom in the bathroom trash can.</p>
<p>Prior is sprawled out on his stomach when he returns, legs spread wide to stretch out his bad leg, that tight little ass that he was just inside on full display.</p>
<p>Belize’s spent dick twitches at the sight. The mattress dips as he crawls onto the bed, running a reverent hand over Prior’s ass.</p>
<p>“Well <i>hello, nurse</i>.” Prior bats his eyelashes at Belize over his shoulder. “Someone just gave me one hell of a ride, I think you should make sure all looks okay.” He pushes his ass back into Belize’s hand.</p>
<p>“You are shameless and insatiable.”</p>
<p>He smiles as he leans down, but he also knows Prior is only half-joking, that he does want the confirmation. Belize examines him almost clinically, forgetting for a second where they are. Once satisfied, he lowers his head even more and licks slowly along his crack before pressing a lingering kiss to his hole.</p>
<p>“Ohhh.”</p>
<p>Belize rubs his hand up and down Prior’s back, pressing firm between his shoulder blades as he points his tongue and dips inside shallowly, tasting lube and the remnants of latex.</p>
<p>“Jesus. Remind me to return the favor when my limbs are working again, would you?”</p>
<p>Belize laughs and places a trail of kisses up Prior’s spine and over his shoulder. “You’d better.” It’s a little insane how badly he wants him again already.</p>
<p>Prior hums. “I think you’re going to have to carry me to the shower.”</p>
<p>Belize pulls the top sheet over them before settling on his side next to Prior, pecking the corner of his mouth. “That good, huh?”</p>
<p>Prior cracks one eye open, his eyebrow raising at the same time. He turns to face Belize full-on, their arms sliding around each other beneath the sheet. “Since when do you fish?”</p>
<p>Belize rolls his eyes. “Since this is the first time you’ve had a dick up your ass in four years.”</p>
<p>“Crass!” Prior chides. He presses their foreheads together. “Yes, <i>that</i> good. C'était magnifique. I’ll be walking worse than usual tomorrow.”</p>
<p>Belize pouts. “Don’t make me feel bad.”</p>
<p>“Aww, ma pauvre bichette, I welcome it. What a way to ring in the 90s!”</p>
<p>Belize laughs loudly and pulls him in closer. They snuggle, it’s the only word for it.</p>
<p>“And for you?” Prior asks, his lips against Belize’s neck. “Last time we did that my legs were up by my head. Hardly the same.”</p>
<p>Belize leans back so their eyes can meet. “No, not the same,” he agrees. He drags his thumb over Prior’s bottom lip. “Better.”</p>
<p>Prior eyes go a little wide in surprise before he smiles, small and sweet, cuddling close once more.</p>
<p>“The past is the past,” Prior murmurs.</p>
<p>Belize runs his hands up and down Prior’s back. “Oui.”</p>
<p>“You aren’t leaving,” Prior declares, voice firm.</p>
<p>Belize kisses his temple. “Just try and get rid of me.”</p>
<p>He knows Prior was probably referring to him staying the night, but Belize means that and so much more.</p>
<p>They pull back to meet each other’s eyes once more. Prior slowly traces his fingertips over Belize’s lips, understanding dawning, a look of radiance on his face. Love.</p>
<p>“Je t'aime.”</p>
<p>Belize smiles, knowing without a doubt that the look on his own face mirrors Prior’s. Familiar yet still so brand new. “Je t'aime.”</p>
<p>When their lips meet again, it feels like the future.</p>
<p>The End<br/>
____________________</p>
<p><i>January 1990</i> </p>
<p>Prior: The world only spins forward — Angels in America Part Two : Perestroika </p>
<p>____________________</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A few of the French translations: </p>
<p>Mon ange = my angel<br/>Bon débarras - good riddance<br/>Tas de merde - pile of shit<br/>L’amour de ma vie = Love of my life<br/>J'adore ça. Vraiment = I adore this. Truly.</p>
<p>A post-fic <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/40oPqvInfGDQiUKbsvfeQn?si=xILvVkV-Rp-4mTo9v5tyTQ">mix</a>, for the boyfriends.</p>
<p>All of this really was a labor of love and took a lot out of me, so if you read this and like it I’d adore to hear about it 💕</p>
<p>Continue on to chapter two for a missing scene that didn’t quite fit into the main fic but I felt the need to write. 💗</p>
<p>3/15/21: Check out the gorgeous art commission I had done of 1989 NYE scene <a href="https://nextstopwonderland.tumblr.com/post/645763526765445120/the-above-is-an-utterly-gorgeous-commission">here</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Roll me in designer sheets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Missing scene set between sections 3 (December 1979) &amp; 4 (December 1980), featuring the lace lingerie.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“”I’m not tucking!” Prior calls from the bathroom. </p><p>“Good! That would defeat the purpose!” Belize giggles, shaking his head. He’s propped up against the headboard of Prior’s bed, flipping through the latest issue of Vogue. It’s a Saturday afternoon and Belize had just been gearing up to hit some record shops and thrift stores when Prior had called. </p><p>(“I’ve purchased those garments we spoke about. I think you should come over so I can model them.”</p><p>Belize had gone from zero to sixty in record time, not needing clarification in the slightest.</p><p>“I’ll be right over.”</p><p>Thirty minutes later he had knocked on Prior’s door. Prior opened it in just his pink silk robe and slippers, his hair still wet from the shower. </p><p>They’d kissed immediately, Belize groaning into his mouth. His hands fisted in Prior’s hair, pulling on the wet strands before sliding down Prior’s back and over his ass. </p><p>“You have them on?” Belize whispered against his ear as they parted. </p><p>“Not yet. Au naturel right now.”</p><p>Belize had groaned again, slid his hand down the curve of his ass to squeeze along the back of his thigh. Prior had rubbed shamelessly against him before he broke away and headed in the direction of the bedroom, throwing Belize a blatant come hither look over his shoulder. </p><p>Belize had laughed and followed.)</p><p>So now here they were. Belize had stripped down to his purple briefs while waiting for Prior. It’s the first time they’ve done it this way, undressing before the main act begins rather than doing it to each other in the heat of the moment. </p><p>It feels more planned than their on-the-whim hookups; intimate. Belize shivers a little and looks toward the still closed bathroom door. </p><p>Just then it opens and Belize’s jaw drops. </p><p>Prior steps out, barefoot now, his toes painted red to match his nails. His hair is slicked back, still damp, and he has nothing on besides a white, lace thong and white, sheer thigh high stockings with suspenders that clip to the panties. Exactly like they talked about. </p><p>Prior raises one arm to lean against the doorway, cocking his hip to the left. “I’m ready for my close-up, Mr. Demille.”</p><p>Belize’s laughter comes out hoarse. “Come here, Gloria.”</p><p>Prior grins as he saunters across the room, making a show of it much like his burlesque act. Except in that he’s wearing red silk that you can’t see through and he’s tucked. Now, Belize can see his soft cock cupped within the confines of the lace, can see his balls hanging slightly behind his dick. Prior spins on his heel, gives BelIze a shot of his ass, bare save for one strip of fabric over his crack. </p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>“Mmm.” Prior turns around, smiling. “Maybe, if we get that far.”</p><p>Belize is already leaking into his briefs; he has no idea how long this is going to last. </p><p>He bites his lip as Prior reaches the bed, lifting one long leg and settling it right along the edge of the comforter. “Should’ve put on music,” Prior muses. “Truly set the scene.”</p><p>Belize’s eyes are riveted to where his fingers are toying with the suspender clips. “I think the aesthetic has been achieved, ma chérie.”</p><p>Prior smiles at him, all lips yet still blinding. “Good.”</p><p>Then he extends his leg so his toes are pressed against Belize’s thigh and unhooks the left suspender, dragging his palms down his thighs before bending forward and slowly peeling the stocking down to just under his knee. </p><p>“Do the rest for me?” He bats his eyelashes innocently and Belize laughs again, even as his cock twitches. </p><p>He slides his hands up Prior’s legs, hooking his fingers in the sheer material and ever so slowly dragging it down and off. </p><p>When he looks up at Prior he’s breathing a little hard. A glance at his dick within the panties reveals a little growth. </p><p>Prior shifts closer, lifting his right leg and presenting it to Belize, bent at the knee and over his lap this time. </p><p>Belize leans forward, pressing his mouth to the sheer fabric and kissing his way up along the outside of Prior’s thigh. His hands inch up his thigh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Prior shivers above him as Belize’s fingertips tease the skin at the top of the suspender before he shakily unclips it. </p><p>Prior gasps, loud and high, when Belize’s teeth scrape against his skin and his hands roll down the stocking. He sits up higher, holding Prior’s leg up by the back of his knee while bending even closer so he can press kisses along Prior’s inner thigh. </p><p>Prior’s hands cradle the back of his head while Belize’s are bunched in the fabric on either side. He pulls back so he can focus on rolling the rest down, moving his mouth to Prior’s now fully extended leg, kissing behind his knee and sliding the rest of the stocking off. </p><p>He tosses it aside, looks up at Prior through his lashes. </p><p>Prior’s on him a second later, throwing one leg over Belize’s hip and straddling his thighs. </p><p>Belize’s hands come to rest on the small of Prior’s back as they both groan into a kiss that is immediately biting and dirty. </p><p>Belize’s hands drift to the firm cheeks of Prior’s ass, squeezing hard before letting his thumb drag along the tiny bit of lace. </p><p>“Oh god,” Prior moans, their lips sliding apart and then back together again. They’re breathing noisily into one another’s mouths as Prior begins to push back hard into Belize’s palms, every thrust forward making their groins connect. “Why didn’t we think of this before?”</p><p>Belize sucks kisses over his jaw, down his neck as Prior grinds harder against Belize’s straining dick. In lieu of answering he drags his thumb more firmly down Prior’s crack before pressing against his hole. </p><p>Prior whimpers and tips forward, knocking them both flat on the bed. “Oh, please.” Prior’s mouth is hot on Belize’s neck. He presses the tip of his thumb against the lace, dipping barely inside, just enough to draw another soft moan from Prior’s lips.</p><p>Belize kisses along Prior’s collarbone, his shoulder. “Mon dieu. Want to do everything to you,” he whispers like a confession. </p><p>Prior moves his hips in small circles. “Same,” he whispers back. </p><p>Sometimes, Belize marvels at just how good the sex is. It shouldn’t seem possible to have the best of both worlds like this. And while they both still do hook up elsewhere on the regular, Belize rarely finds something that exceeds his couplings with Prior. </p><p>Prior’s mouth is moving up his neck, sucking hard at his skin. “I think you should make good on your original promise.” </p><p>Belize’s hands tighten on Prior’s ass. “Oui.”</p><p>Then he’s rolling Prior onto his back and sliding his mouth down his chest.<br/>
______________________</p><p>“Oh, fuck. Oh, baby, yes.”</p><p>Belize has been licking Prior’s cock through the lace for at least five minutes now. It started with him only semi-hard (no shocker there), Belize pressing his open mouth against the panties and sucking Prior through them. </p><p>Anytime Prior would get a little harder he’d back off, move to short, kitten licks along his inner thighs,  his balls, before returning to lap at his cock again. By this point the fabric is soaked through and Prior is achingly hard, straining against it. Belize licks a long line up his cock, loving the way it lace feels, stretched tight against it. </p><p>Prior has been incredibly loud today, more so than usual, and Belize can’t help but wonder if the people on the other side of the wall are home and listening to them. He sucks hard over the head, making Prior cry out, his fingernails biting into Belize’s scalp. </p><p>Prior’s hips lift restlessly when Belize pulls off again, dragging his mouth up over the waxed skin of Prior’s torso. </p><p>“Ma bébé. S'il vous plaît.” </p><p>Belize moans against the skin of his belly, pressing a string of kisses there before moving lower than before. </p><p>Prior gasps when Belize tilts his bent legs back further to get his mouth against his hole. He lets go of one leg to push the fabric aside, and Prior decides to place it over his shoulder. “Fuck,” Belize moans, gently moving Prior’s left leg to mirror the right. </p><p>With both hands now free and Prior gasping in anticipation above him, Belize sets back on his task. </p><p>He moves the barely there fabric off the right and licks a slow line between Prior’s cheeks. It’s so rare that they actually do this in a bed, that Belize can stretch out like this, taking his time to take Prior apart completely. It feels utterly decadent for some reason. To have Prior spread out on his clean sheets, on a Saturday afternoon with the noises of the city around them and no one knowing what they’re up to. It’s somehow better than any of the public sex they’ve had. </p><p>After kissing and licking and biting at Prior’s cheeks Belize finally gives him what he wants, slowly working his tongue inside. </p><p>Prior cries out above him, his heels digging into Belize’s upper back. </p><p>“Deeper,” Prior gasps. “Don’t stop.”</p><p>Belize is just about done teasing both of them, so he pushes in more, feeling Prior open up around him, his recent shower leaving him tasting like that fancy body wash he bought at Lord &amp; Taylor just because the saleswoman said it was from Paris. </p><p>Belize has no idea how long he rims him, listening to Prior moan brokenly, feeling his body shake and quake. All he knows is that Prior’s ankles are now locked behind his neck and he’s fucking down onto Belize’s mouth, arching full off the bed and slapping his hand down beside them on the mattress. </p><p>“Fuck me, oh <i>god</i>, just.”</p><p>Belize pulls back, wipes his mouth. They’re both breathing hard and Belize is still leaking against the front of his briefs. </p><p>He looks at Prior, takes in how undone he is, how desperate he wants it. Prior’s face is a gorgeous flushed red, and his eyes dark and large as he says, “Let me ride you.” </p><p>It’s a miracle Belize’s doesn’t come right there.<br/>
________________________</p><p>They do it with Prior facing away from him at first, the panties still on and pushed just far enough over so Belize can get inside him. He watches Prior sink down slowly on his cock, that tantalizing piece of lace hugging along his crack. Belize whimpers high in the back of his throat when Prior is fully seated, kneading his ass while he lets Prior set the pace. It’s achingly slow at first, a delicious tease until Prior can’t stand it anymore and begins driving down harder.</p><p>“Yeah, baby,” Belize gasps, palming his ass, dragging one fingertips over the thong between his cheeks. “That’s it.” </p><p>Prior groans and fucks down even harder, bouncing on his dick while Belize just hangs on for the ride. The room fills with slick slap of skin on skin and their gasping moans. </p><p>Prior climbs off him just as Belize thinks he might fly apart at the seams. He sinks back down again, this time facing Belize, giving him an eyeful of his cock still trapped in those panties. </p><p>“Jeez Louise.” Belize closes his eyes, loses himself in the feel of Prior’s hands scratching up and down his chest; of his own hand palming Prior’s dick against the stretched to the brink lace; of his dick so deep inside Prior that he doesn’t know where either of them end or begin. </p><p>Prior grabs Belize’s free hand and Belize’s eyes blink open. He raises their clasped hands to his lips, kissing the back of Belize’s. Prior smiling, soft and sweet and happy. Belize’s stomach flips and he can’t help but smile back. </p><p>“This is so, so good,” Prior murmurs before sucking two of BelIze’s fingers into his mouth, making a show of it. Belize gasps, watches entranced as Prior’s mouth and tongue work obscenely. </p><p><i>Always is</i>, Belize thinks, vaguely wondering if Prior gets it this good somewhere else. For as much as they talk about their other hookups, he’s never quite been able to figure out his own ranking. </p><p>Prior slowly draws his mouth away, squeezing Belize’s hand and letting them both drop to his thigh as he throws his head back. His hips work in wide circles, taking what he wants, hitting right where he needs. BelIze takes in the long line of his neck, the curve of his body. </p><p>“Kiss me,” Belize says and Prior smiles again, before leaning forward and doing just that. Belize let’s go of Prior’s hand to steady his hip, squeezing and pulling him forward while his other hand still moves over Prior’s lace covered cock. They pant into each others mouths, tongues tangling, lips barely connecting. </p><p>Belize bends his knees, feet dragging up the bed as fucks his hip up. He moves his hand from Prior’s hip to the small of his back, holding Prior as he bounces in  his lap, the pace growing erratic, even more desperate. </p><p>“Ah, Ah.” Prior’s noises are delicious and Belize swallows them up. </p><p>“You close?” Belize whispers against his mouth, eyes falling shut again as Prior slams down once more, squeezing around his dick. “Because I ain’t lasting much longer, baby.” </p><p>“Mm, yeah. S’okay. Come inside me. Fill me up.” </p><p>Belize lets out a gasping breath and slams his hips up once, twice, making Prior cry out, long neck exposed as he arches his back. Belize moans loudly, thrusts up one more timing before doing exactly as Prior asked.</p><p>“Oh god.” Prior shudders against him as Belize keeps working his cock, feeling him jerk and shake before coming into his panties. “Oh my <i>god</i>.” Prior collapses forward onto him, shuddering hard while Belize twitches inside him still. Their bodies are sweaty, chests heaving as they regain oxygen. He runs his palms over Prior’s ass reverently, up and down his back, holding him while he shakes. </p><p>They stay that way, Prior pressing open-mouthed kisses along Belize’s sensitive nipples, until Belize begins to soften, his jizz starting to slide down Prior’s thigh and messing up the blankets. </p><p>“Ugh.” Then Prior is giggling and kissing his way up his chest to his lips and Belize is giggling right back, hand fisted in his hair as their mouths move together. </p><p>Prior flops down on his back beside him, hand dragging over the now soaked panties. “We are absolutely doing that again.”</p><p>“Damn straight, sugar.”</p><p>Prior laughs again, turning his body into Belize’s and kissing his shoulder. “And I think next time you should be the model.” He teases his fingers up and down Belize’s dick, feather-light. </p><p>Belize’s breath catches in his throat. “That can <i>definitely</i> be arranged.” </p><p>He turns his head so they can kiss, just light pecking ones, so innocent after all they just did together. </p><p>“Mmm. I think I want you in red. Fishnets, a teddy, the works.” </p><p>“So greedy,” Belize teases, mouth going a little dry at the idea before kissing Prior again. </p><p>They clean up and doze off for about an hour. Afterward, Prior drags Belize up and into the shower where he rims him enthusiastically before fucking him from behind. </p><p>It’s a pretty great day, all around.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Continue on to Prior’s POV of their first meeting.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Find your spot out on the floor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Prior’s POV of their first meeting at Studio 54.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This grabbed me in the middle of the night and demanded writing. Maybe I’ll add more Prior POV chapters here and there, but for now there’s this. </p><p>Title from Le Chic. </p><p>Graphic:<br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><i>July 1978</i> </p><p>Prior first sees her (him? He never really knows how to initially address drag queens, mentally or otherwise) by the bar at Studio. She’s rocking her best Donna Summer impersonation and has two suitors flanked on either side. She laughs while accepting a shot, mouth twisting in a way that means she’s probably just humoring these guys for the free booze. Her gold dress is short and tight and it glitters under the lights from the disco ball. She leans back against the bar a little more, half of her thighs exposed and her long, long legs on full display. Prior wouldn’t mind kissing his way up them before straddling her thick thighs. </p><p>Prior is still dancing with another queen, who grabs his face and plants a sloppy kiss to the side of his mouth, leaving a trail of pink lipstick in her wake. He loses himself in the music and the random press of bodies. When he looks up again, Donna Summer is gone. </p><p>A little while later, when Prior has got glitter on his torso and a rainbow of lipstick on his face from some casual makeouts, he sees Donna again. His heart jumps in his throat when he realizes that she’s headed his way. </p><p>She doesn’t say anything, just slots her way right in front of him, all confidence and slinky hips. He has to look up to meet her eyes, the heels creating a difference that probably wouldn’t be there otherwise. He finds he likes it and smiles wide when her hands come to rest on his hips, her flawlessly painted nails digging into the bare skin of his torso. She’s gorgeous up close and he can’t help but wonder who lives behind the pristine makeup and styled wig. </p><p>Prior slides his arms around her waist, pressing his fingertips into the small of her back. Le Chic is telling them to <i>feel the rhythm, check the rhyme</i>, and Prior does, pressing his hips and chest against her.  She’s less Donna and more Grace in the tits department; a little bit of padding but otherwise not much of an effort being made. Since he’s got no desire for real breasts, that suits Prior just fine. </p><p>One song blends into another blends into another, her body hot and tight against his. He’s just about to make a move when she leans down and kisses him, open mouthed and filthy from the start. Prior groans, slides his hands up her back, then down over her ass, cupping the cheeks and squeezing. He feels her moan vibrate against his mouth, her tongue sliding in deep, tangling with his. </p><p>She pulls away, yells her name against his ear. Well, her drag name, he supposes. Belize. He likes it. </p><p>He can’t even fault her for the unoriginal remark about his own name, because her lips are full and red and she’s dragging him off in what he hopes is the direction of the bathroom. </p><p><i>Miss Thing</i> is right. </p><p>Two minutes later Prior’s eyes are squeezed shut, his back is against the plaster and Belize is on her knees, mouthing at her cock. </p><p>Panic rises in him as it always does when he’s not fully hard yet. He’s chubbed up, has been since their dance, but he knows he’s not showing his all right now. She keeps sucking at him, half soft cock between her gorgeous lips that Prior looks down at through lidded eyes. He focuses on his breathing and how much he truly does want this, wills his damn body to for once join the party sooner rather than later. </p><p>Sure enough after long minutes she pulls off, squinting up at him, hand on her jaw. Belize automatically assumes he is either straight or having some sort of sexual identity crisis and Prior assures him — him, definitely him, now — that it isn’t the case, that he just requires a bit more time with these things. </p><p>Belize takes it all in stride, and Prior groans when he says he can pull on the wig. Prior does just that, losing himself in the feel of Belize’s full lips around his dick, the wet sounds of his mouth that he can hear only because the music is muffled in here. There are people getting off all around them but Prior blocks out the sounds and pushes his hips up, up, moaning broken and loud when Belize takes him all the way down. </p><p>“God, oh god.”</p><p>He’s fully hard and aching now, looking down through hazy eyes at the mess of curls in his hands and the hot, hot mouth around him.</p><p>“I’m gonna — if you don’t want to, you better—“</p><p>But Belize just moans around him and tugs on his hips. </p><p>“Oh my god.”</p><p>Prior’s back bows and he thrusts up into that tight, wet heat once, twice, letting out what can only be categorized as a shout as he comes down Belize’s throat.</p><p>There’s a round of sarcastic applause and comments  around them when he finally comes. Prior can’t focus on any of it, too busy pulling Belize up and kissing him, tasting himself on his lips. </p><p>It’s one of the best blowjobs he’s ever had. </p><p>Prior is disappointed when he remembers about the tuck, but he mentally gives Belize props for drag authenticity. Still, he really, really wanted to get his mouth on him. He considers inviting Belize to his place, but it also feels too planned for something that began in a club bathroom. </p><p>They kiss a little more, blistering hot. Prior feels a little dizzy from it all. Then Belize surprises him, both by saying something in French and giving Prior his number. </p><p>Prior leaves Studio shortly afterward, doesn’t see Belize again before he goes. In the cab on the way home he traces his fingers over the smudged phone number, committing it to memory. </p><p>Prior has a lot of friends, who are exclusively just friends. He’s had less than a handful of boyfriends, his last being from college which ended about a year ago and kind of fucked him up. Emotional lability and moreover vulnerability is not what he’s looking for right now. Hookups have become his norm, but not really in the repeat sense. </p><p>For days he toys with the idea of not calling Belize, despite wanting to within 24 hours. </p><p>On day five he pulls the trigger, arranging an awkward mid-afternoon booty call because that’s when their schedules match up. </p><p>He doesn’t know it yet but it ends up being one of the best decisions of his life. </p><p>————————-</p><p>(The Beginning)</p>
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